Lonely Saturday Nights

I didn't fall off the earth. I'm still here. Lainey is still here. She is TWO. A funny, beautiful, red headed two year old. I thank my lucky stars for her every day. She makes me laugh on a daily basis. this morning she was trying to throw a leg over her crib. Thank goodness she's a shorty. (Regardless, I put in a call to my brother to help me turn the crib into a bed sometime this week.) I tell myself that there is a reason I have stayed single so long. A reason that I ended up going down this path of having a baby this way. She's it. That face says it all. That face is worth every minute I've been bummed becasue of my singledom. Every minute of every time I sat there wondering (and whining), "Where IS he?" I can't imagine my life without her. Don't want to. Ever.

But now she's here. And not only do I want someone for me... I want someone for her. I want her to have a Daddy. I want it so much it hurts.

The bestie and I were sitting in the backyard the day after her 2nd birthday party watching her husband run around with their son. Lainey yelled out to them. Twice.

I casually looked at M and said, "Did she just say Daddy?"
"Yep."

Well, shit. (It broke my heart.)

Then we were out strolling around the neighborhood when Lainey saw a guy get out of his car. "Daddy!" she yelled. (again. I wanted to cry for her.)

I pray every single night that I'll finally meet him. That he'll meet us and realize right away that the two of us are the most amazing things he's ever met. (I mean...we are, for pete's sake!) I want a husband. It gets lonely. And I want my girl to have a Daddy. To know that feeling. To know that bond. I know it'll be a different bond...but a bond nonetheless.

I hope we find him.