Hot Damn Atlanta Falcons!

I'm back!

First of all Happy 2010. Before I blow your mind with what this post is all about let me fill you in on the last few months in as few words as possible. I lived in Key West...for 54 days. (Screw 34...what was I thinking?!) I cried when I thought about leaving. I cried when I left. I went back down for my first ever Fantasy Fest,and had the time of my life. I HAD FIVE COSTUMES PEOPLE! Y'all know how I love Halloween. It was a Halloween orgasm! I'm still working the part time job. I worked New Year's Eve which meant I stayed in WR. (only the 2nd time that has happened since 1998). It seems I became a cougar upon returning home (and not a bit ashamed of it. I quite enjoy it actually.) I also had/have a crush on someone I have known for a few years,who I have met up with twice in the past two months (he's in another state) only to find out on the 18th he's having a vasectomy. Lovely.I have a very fun filled life and could keep going on just like this forever. And here I am welcoming another year with so many blessings, so many wonderful things...yet still wanting one thing more than anything. Yeppers...to be a mama.

So get this. Once again the topic has weighed heavily on my mind. I started the donor search again. Found one of the ones that I had liked before and stumbled upon a new one that has made me change my mind about the blond haired, blued eyed thing. This guy pretty much describes himself in a way that sounds...well....like me with a penis!!! (of course, he could be completely lying, but I have to take that chance!) So brunette, hazel/green eyes it is! I realized though after a few months of getting my cards paid down that I really didn't know if I wanted to put my babydaddy on the visa card. Yes, I know that sounds crass. let's all get over it and move on. ha! So I had decided (with a heavy heart) that the plan to start again might just need to wait until next month. So be it.

Then tonight I was watching a travel show on Vegas, and I don't know, but I guess I got the gambling bug. And where can you gamble in Middle Georgia and take your chances on winning big? Why...scratch off lottery tickets!!! So I talked to God. yes, get over it, I spoke to God about gambling and sperm donors. Again...let's all move on. I said to God, "You know. I want to take $50 and play the lottery. If you want me to win then will you let me win just what I need, so I dont have to use my card. If I lose, I lose, and it just wasn't meant to be." or something like that. But that's pretty close to how my side of the convo went. So off to the store with $50 of my tip money in hand. I bought 10 $5 Falcons scratch off tickets and headed straight home.

And I kid you not....the first ticket I scratched off....$500!!! The 8th ticket...$10!!! Let me make this clear...$510. EXACTLY what I needed for my babydaddy! So, yes, I plan on using my lottery winnings to make the purchase. So, I will call the nurse tomorrow to figure out if indeed we can start the process all over this month. She may end up telling me that we do indeed have to wait until next month, but my money is on this month! We'll see if lady luck holds true for me again.

Sweetness

Last night I went to see the kids since it had been awhile and I was missing them. We sat in Dylan's dark room watching some Disney movie.

Jersey sat in my lap leaned back against my chest. I had one arm wrapped around her tight. And she didn't squirm or want me to move it. She just leaned back into me as far as she could with her little hand on my arm.

I would take my other hand and rest it on Dylan's knee or rub his blond head or tap the freckles on his nose. I love that little cluster of freckles. And he didn't stop me. Or squirm away. Or tell me to stop.

and in that moment...in those moments of pure sweetness....it's all I ever want and wish for and hope for...moments like those with my own child. I'd trade a year in Key West for it!

There is a Mama in me just waiting and wanting to bust out. Just waiting. And wanting. And wondering...when?

My Summer Plans in a Nutshell...so it's a big nut?!

I still can't believe I'm going to be in Key West this summer. I actually won't believe it until I'm actually there. And I may just have to pinch myself every day that I wake up and realize...I'M IN KEY WEST

Things I’m looking forward to this summer:


-seeing a Key West sunset every night if I want to!!!!!
-sleeping in (and not being at summer school at 8 am)
- going to Irish Kevin’s and dancing to goofy musicians whenever I feel like it
- taking my daily walk ...IN KEY WEST!
- Fat Tuesday’s becoming my official “Cheers”
- do I even need to say 190’s whenever I want them!?
- seeing Pete and Wayne at Sloppy Joe’s EVERY WEEKEND if I want to
- hearing Jared say “Shalom mutha fucka” whenver I feel like it
-becoming a regular at 801 Bourbon (LOL)
- having a vacation boyfriend every night if I feel like it
-staring at Hottie Chris every day if I want to!!!!!!
- my girls visiting me in KW
- watching the sunrise in KW whenever I want to (never done that before, I don’t think…there is always a first!)
- indulging in “Healthy Habits” (our new name for happy hour) with Billy at Alonzo’s or wherever our fancy takes us
- lounging in my kiddie pool in the backyard
- having a hot male roommate (never had one of those! Hahaha)
- hanging out at and trying new places that I’ve never been to in KW
- possibly being known as the cute blond who rides around on the pink bike!
- NOT wastin’ away in Warner Robins but in Key West!
- being a true Key West local…if only for a month!!!

A few days later I thought of not just what I was looking forward to but what I actually wanted to do while there, the things I wanted to experience...

-ride my bike all over, wherever
-take pictures of everything and anything and nothing
-OOOh at sunrises
-Ahhh at sunsets
-dance every single day
-laugh every single day
-sleep in
-cook out
-learn to master a mean conch chowder and key lime pie
-swim...in the ocean or in a hotel pool that I crash
-play tennis
-scrapbook
-read
-kayak, deep sea fishing, jet skiing
-go out on a boat
-meet new, interesting, fabulous people
-enjoy every moment
-kiss a cute guy
-put the top down and just drive
-sit...and do nothing

I only hope this summer is everything I want it to be.

Mother's Day

I have a fabulous Mama. I didn't always think that at times. She was the strictest mom growing up. Or so it seemed. The one that ALWAYS hunted us down when we were doing wrong. She just knew. Knew where I was. Knew I was probably up to no good. But she was the one that taught me right from wrong. Gave me some kind of moral compass. Sure...i do a lot of things that she still doesn't like. But that's just me. I beat to my own drum, and it's not always the same song as hers. But over the years we have become...friends. My friends listen to the way we interact and are amazed. I have heard more times than I count, "I can't talk to my mom that way. We don't have those conversations." Well, that's the thing. She may not want to hear it. But she listens. She responds. Even if I don't like what she is saying. We argue. She completely gets on my last effin' nerve.We are so freakin' different. But we laugh. And we talk. That's pretty cool.

She's the mom I want to be. The one that threw the best birthday parties. To this day my birthday is my favorite holiday. I give her credit for that. She made big breakfasts on the first day of school. I remember McDonald's on Saturday mornings. She took me to softball practice. Took me to church. Showed up for school plays and parties. I know that I lot of things I do as a mom (whenver that day should come) will be from the example that she has been for 35 1/2 years. And that's pretty cool.

Today I would be 33 weeks. How crazy is that? To think I'd be walking around with this big ole belly. Only a little over a month away from being someone's...mom. It makes me sad.

I was shopping earlier this morning and for some reason was walking down the aisle where journals were. And I swear one jumped out at me...like it had a light shining on it just so I wouldn't miss it. the cover of it said..

things happen for a reason...just believe!

I picked it up and smiled. I do believe things happen for a reason. I'm getting a little impatient about what it is that is going to happen (LOL), but I still believe IT is going to happen. Then I noticed the corner of another journal sticking out from underneath one that was in the same spot of the first I had picked up. I moved the boring journal out of the way and there was another journal that said...

Sometimes, on the way to a dream you get lost and find a better one.

A sign for sure. A sign of things to come...GOOD things to come. I can just feel it. I can feel it in every being of my soul.

Standing there I was overcome with the desire to fill them up with words and pictures of the wonderful things that I know are in store for me. Seriously...It's like God put those journals there just for me. So I left the store with those two journals in hand.

I'm optimistic if not anything else. :)

A Temporary Change of Plans

Change is in the air. And I thought it was time to go in a new direction with my blog, if only for a few months. Never fear - even though a dream of mine is coming true soon, my biggest dream is STILL to be...Mommy. But when life hands you an opporutnity that makes the corners of your mouth turn up, your heart beat extra hard, a tingle all the way to your toes...You've gotta go for it!

So, the decision has been made. A dream that I have had for many years is in my grasp, and I'm going to grab hold and not let go! I am going to go to Key West this summer. But for those that know me you are probably wondering what is the big deal about that?! Shit, I've already been to Key West twice this year. But wait! Let me say it again.

I'M GOING TO KEY WEST THIS SUMMER.

Not for a weekend. Not for a week. But for 34 freakin' days!!!!! And if July 6th - the scheduled day of departure - arrives and I don't feel like leaving, well, then I have 3 more weeks to bask in my Happy Place before I have to actually be back at work.

I've always wanted to go down there for the summer and just...live there! Be a local if you will. And the opportunity presented itself in March when I uttered the words to someone I've known down there for several years. And as we walked back to meet everyone at breakfast and I just absent mindedly utterted "my dream" the response I received in return was, "Really? Keep me updated. My roommate is leaving for the summer and you can rent his room."

I've told many people that my heart is in WR...where my mama is. where my daddy is. My granny. my brother. my niece and nephew. my family. But my spirit? Not so much. My spirit is in the cities that I love dearly. The places where the corners of my mouth are always upturned. Where my heart always beats fast. Where there is always a tingle all the way to my toes. Key West. Nashville. Savannah.

So, I gave it a lot of thought. And come June 2 at 4pm, Heather and I are out of here to spend every day for a month in my Happy Place.

And for that...I am happy.

And my spirit? ECSTATIC!

Step Away From the Computer

Ebay is bad.
But Ralph Lauren at $12 a pop is good.

April is Out

So it seems this month is officially out for baby making. Techincally it doesn't have to be, but it just is. Let me give the reason.

I've done this strange crazy trip 3 times with the third time being the charm (or not so much charm because of the ending). The thing that was different with the 3rd try was the trigger shot. So, that is just the way I want to go again. Why spend all that money for it not to work when the trigger shot gives (what seems to be) better odds? My high school trip and the necessary perfect timing are going to more than likely collide this month. I could chance it all working out timing wise, but do I really want to pay for the two necessary ultrasounds only to not be able to go through with the actual insemination because I'm not in town? No. I don't.

I did rethink the trigger shot and think "well let me just do it with the OPK tests and not worry about the ultrasounds". That way if it works out where the timing needed is after my trip well there you go. I could try.

Also, I've had another two friends weigh in on my summer opportunity - both with different opinions. However, right now it is 3 to 1 with the "GO.DO IT. YOU CAN'T PASS THIS UP!" being the majority thought.

Geminis...we're wishy washy.

Ebay Victory!

Yes, yours truly, came out on top in an Ebay bidding war!!! I got the baby bedding that I fell in love with about a year and a half ago only for it to be discontinued. Well, now it is mine and more importantly my future baby's! Woohoo!