Lessons Learned

In the course of one day, I have learned three things pregnant women should not attempt..

1) Pregnant women should never go shopping...for clothes.
(It ain't pretty. Especially when you are in the "Noone knows I'm pregnant even though I can't button my pants or shirts" phase!)

2) Pregnant women should never watch "Extreme Makeover - Home Edition.
(and if you do watch be prepared for the waterworks - God Bless that fireman daddy and his five kids!)

3) No matter how hard you try - sucking in your stomach no longer works!
(Believe me...I've tried.)

Saying goodbye is so hard

Tonight I had to say good bye to something I hold dear to my heart. That has been a part of my life for the past five years. I held them in my hands. Caressed my cheek with them. And then, as I placed them back in their spot in the closet, I kissed the pocket and whispered, "You've been a good pair of jeans."

Then I broke into a shitload of giggles. OMG! I can no longer where my Seven For All Mankind jeans!!! I own two pair. Now I know some of you reading this may not be "jean lovers" nor the type of person who will spend $150+ on a pair of jeans.

But I am. I will. I have.

And I have worn those jeans religiously for 3 - 5 years. 5 YEARS, PEOPLE!!! When I pack for a trip, they ALWAYS go in there. These are my tried and true "going out" jeans. I wear them in the winter with a sweater. I wear them in the summer with a great booby top. With my high heeled boots. And my sky high heels.

So imagine the fear pulsing through my body as I pulled them from my closet to try them on. Oh yeah. I'm not a dumbass. I knew they might not fit. Probably wouldn't. But they are my going out jeans! And I'm going to NYC this weekend! I've got to have "good jeans" in NYC! Oh yeah. I think the jeans even started crying when they realized there wasn't any way in hell they were making this trip to NYC with me. Shit. They won't be going anywhere for a long, long time. They are doomed to collect dust in my closet. No more skinny tight jeans for me. Thank God about 2 years ago on a shopping trip I accidentally bought a pair of Lucky Brand Jeans in size 12. (I wondered why they were so comfy at the time, but my dumbass didn't doublecheck thinking I had picked up the 8/10).

Anywhoo. Tonight I had to part ways with two tight sweaters (damn boobs), 3 pair of jeans and 1 pair of my favorite black pants. It's a sad night in Warner Robins.

I have never been one to "pack light." But damn...it's REAL easy to do when nothing in your closet fits. Guess it's a good thing I'm going to NYC. Shopping just moved to the top of the "things to do in NYC" list!!!

It's All Sinking In

Two things dawned on me today...

1) Constant nausea? I'm not a fan.

and

2)While I could get away with it now, come two or three months, I will no longer be able to sashay my cute little ass(in whatever jeans and booby top I've poured myself into) into Da Club and shake my booty something fierce. I will be forced to do all my booty shaking (while wearing sweats) in Da Living Room.

That's just sad.

Miss me?

Goodness...It's so nice to know so many people miss my ramblings and worry when I haven't spoken up in awhile. Love y'all too.

So let's see....

Miss Vomit has not made an appearance to the party (Thank God), but her sorority sister Miss Nausea has shown up once or twice this week. She's kinda shy and doesn't cause alot of trouble. I'm hoping she stays that way and doesn't come out of her shell.

And speakin' of comin' out of her (or should I say THEIR)shell...Mary Ann and Ginger are wanting to say hello something fierce. I have a few cute buttondowns, while a bit on the fitted side, are still tasteful and appropriate for work. Uh. Not anymore. Yesterday morning the girls popped that top button within' 5 minutes of getting that shirt on. And this morning I put a tank top on under a shirt and damn if the strap didn't break from the strain! *I* myself really can't tell if the boobs are getting bigger, but it seems my clothing is stating otherwise.

I am a little irritable this week. But that could be because I have students that, as I am trying to walk them through a math problem they can't do, and ask, "Okay. So how many legs does a dog have?" and the answer is (after some thoughtful consideration), "2?" Or even better, "Okay. What step are you going to do first? Yes. 30 - 6. So what IS 30 - 6" and the answer is "5?" What? That doesn't make the average person irritable?! Should I remind y'all I'M TEACHING 4TH GRADE!!!!!! (Will you start praying for me if I tell you this child is a repeater and there is about 4 others in my class close to being in the same boat? Yes? You will?! Bless your heart.)

Smells bothering me? No. Food aversions? No. If anything when I want something...I.WANT.IT. And if I don't get it then whatever I do eat is not good. Then I'm not happy. The other night I wanted "Mema Cooking" - fried porkchops, potatoes and green beens (and not from the can). So I hit the grocery store and whipped me up some dinner. DAMN! It was good. But two days later when I was in the mood for ham, biscuits and mashed potatoes (homemade - not the box) or macaroni, and didn't have those ingredients and instead settled for chicken and the left over green beens...nuh-uh. Wasn't happenin'. Not a bit of it tasted good.

So it was off to the grocery store because by then (still pissed off I didn't enjoy my supper) I wanted potato chips and my favorite oreo cookie ice cream sandwich treats. Ticked when I got there and my ice cream desserts were nowhere to be found and settled on cookies and cream cheesecake bites. And do I need to tell you that all my groceries went in the trunk EXCEPT the cool ranch doritos. I was a little happier (but still wanting mashed potatos and biscuits). Guess what I had tonight? Oh yeah...ham. homemade mashed potatos (oooooh....hell yeah they were yummy) and biscuits from Cracker Barrell (thank you mama!).

And already a fruit lover, I think I could eat fruit 24/7 right now. I am eating about 5 or 6 fruits a day and really could do more. (my faves right now - bananas, kiwi and watermelon)

Seriously. I love food. I don't want to start throwing it up.

But on a serious note....I have learned exactly WHY I am single and pregnant. Because if I had a husband/boyfriend, if they didn't die from it first, they would leave me due to the toxic fumes shooting from my rear end!!!!!

Bad. Really bad.

B is for Blue and...Boy???

So another weird dream to add to the list. Now it wasn't so much that it was THAT weird, but that once again what I feel to be sign of a "boy to come" was present.

But let's backtrack a few days...

Several days ago I dreamed I was walking along this river and hear Jameson, a guy that I know (works for KC), across the way yelling at me to see what he caught. He's yelling that he caught this big catfish, and I start walking over to see what looks to be a big catfish. But as he gets closer I notice that he is dragging the big ole thing along the ground, and I say, "But Jameson. That's not a catfish. It's a dog." Sure enough the catfish had turned into a dog that he was just dragging along. We argued this for several minutes (him swearing it was a catfish) until the next thing I know we were in a van driving around Warner Robins (in an area of town where we used to talk old dudes into getting us many bottles of Boone's Farm - the glory of the 10th grade, I tell ya) and the dog has now turned into a baby boy who is buckled into the backseat. And in my dream it was very clear that the baby boy was mine. Do I need to mention that Charles Kelley was riding with us in the front seat?!

Okay. yeah..this dream was the night before the Lady A show, so no wonder he showed up! And Jameson WAS at the last concert I attended a few weeks ago. so it kinda makes sense he was there. However, the catfish that turned into a large dog that turned into a baby boy - well, I can't explain that one too much. Maybe I will have a son who is an avid fisherman and animal lover?!

Hmmph. I say let's just chalk it up to an effed up dream.

Then last night I dreamed that in order to impress one very hot fiddla I was coloring my teeth blue. How this was supposed to impress him....not so sure. But all I know in my dream it was supposed to do just that.

Let's see...that's three weird dreams where the following have shown up: a penis with a bow around it, a baby boy in the backseat, and blue teeth...

So...boy? or Effed up dreams? I'll let y'all call it.

Rainbows and Granola Bars

In the past month I have noticed not one, but TWO, double rainbows. I think this is quite odd yet fascinating. So fascinting that I believe it to be a sign sent from above straight to me saying that all is going to be just right. I mean, two in a month?! And double rainbows at that?! It's a sign. And y'all know how I believe in signs.

The one I saw yesterday was so beautiful that had I not been in a hurry to get to Savannah to get to the concert on time, I would have pulled right over on the interstate and sat there just staring at it. I think it had to be one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen. The bottom rainbow was so big and bright and close that it looked like I was about to drive right under it. And I could see the whole thing which is always very cool. Beautiful. yep. A sign of good things.

But gotta love how I drove straight into a storm - the kind where you can't see, and no matter how fast the wipers are going it doesn't help. Now I see this as no kind of sign. It was just a storm. LOL Luckily, I made it with minutes to spare, and Melissa and I got to downtown Savannah to get to our concert. However, we didn't have time to eat.

Two pregnat women. No dinner. Do you know where this is going?

Now I must let you know that the other day I had my first "Eat....NOW!" moment at work. My breakfast wore slap off at 10:30 with no warning. The belly rumbled and the shakes hit. I had to find food fast. That afternoon I went straight to the grocery store and bought snacks - lots of snacks. Let me tell ya - I have granola bars coming out the yingyang!

But on with the story....

So there we are having a good ole time at the concert. Lady A was fantastic as always. ( I mean..they are who I went to see and drove through a storm to get to)Then Jason Aldean came on. At some point my stomach began rumbling. I hung in there for several songs. And then it hit. I practically dived for my purse. In the darkened auditorium I searched for my granola bar.

And there I was...shaking my ass and rocking out to an AMAZING drum solo...eating a granola bar.

Jellybean does not even know the bad ass mommy he is getting!

And in case you are wondering...granola bars only hold you over so long. Once I heard my favorite Jason Aldean song, "Johnny Cash", and noticed us BOTH looking at our watches, I knew it was time and that the call of pizza was much stronger than a few more songs... and we hauled ass out of there!

I left the show sober and several songs early.

I'm stepping into a whole new world....

Pure Excitement In My World!

Seriously, can this day get ANY better?

First of all, in Jellybean related news -

...yes. I am a total goober that has already nicknamed this being inside me. And, no, it's not in reference to size because if that was the case I'd be calling the jellybean a poppyseed. But on with the good stuff I'm trying to get on to...

So, I went for a blood test on Monday. They wanted to check my HCG levels which ended up being 425 (very good for how far I am which isn't far at all). Then I had to go back on Wednesday because the numbers should double every 48 hours indicating all is pretty darn good in da womb. All they were wanting was to see the number in the 800's. And Jellybean gave them 1476! Thatta boy! (or girl!)

My first appointment (WITH ULTRASOUND) is now set for November 18th, and I am so excited I can barely stand it. I will be 8 weeks at that appointment. Ahhhhhhhh!!!

So how did the day get any better you ask?! Because I got a phone call. Yep. A phone call. And they left a message. Yep. A simple little message. After a few years of trying to get them I got them. Yep. Got them. You are dying to know, right?

Well....come November 22 my happy little ass (or big ass depending on if I have started putting on the pounds) will sitting in the audience at a taping of Saturday Night Live in NYC!!!

SATURDAY!NIGHT!LIVE!

IN NEW!YORK!CITY!

Yep. I just pissed in my pants from the excitement!

Seriously...How do Pregnant Women Gain Weight?!

BECAUSE IT SEEMS THEY CAN'T EAT SHIT!!!

Why didn't anyone give me the heads up you can't eat deli meat?! Or at least not cold?! Seriously. WTF. Do you know how much I love a ham, turkey and cheese sandwiches?! I don't want to HEAT the meat up before I make one.

And please don't get me started on the white cheese dip from the Mexican restaurant. I can eat a bowl...by myself! (that isn't crying you hear coming from me right now...sniffle...really...)

You know...I knew I had to give up a Long Island or a bottle of champagne (yeah, I said a bottle - bite me), but an effin' ham and cheese sandwich?!

The internet is an evil, scary, scary place!