Are We A Family?

"Are we a family?"

That was the question posed to me a few nights ago in the car on the way home from some activity or another.

"Of course, we are,"  I had replied back to her as I wondered, "Oh boy...which road is this going to go down?"

"But we don't have a daddy, so we can't be a family."

OOF. Imaginary double punch in the gut is what it felt like. Exactly the road I was fearing. She's four after all. And smart. It's coming.

We have gone down this road only once before. It was probably a year  or year and a half ago when one night, as I was tucking her into bed, she said, "I want a daddy." As tears slowly welled up in my eyes, I could only say, "You do? I want you to have one too. I guess we'll have to add that to our prayers." A few more mentions in the two or three weeks after that (and Daddy prayers most nights) , and the topic never surfaced again in regards to our little twosome. Threesome if you count my stupid dog, Huck. But he's a story for another day.

So.

After the whole hullabaloo  about families are made up of all kinds of people...one mommy, two mommies, no mommy...she seemed to accept that. The next question was about the juice she was drinking or a lollipop she wanted or her ballet. Something like that. Something that didn't make  my heart hurt. For her. For me. For us.

And my eyes were on the road. Not the one that I was currently driving on. But the one ahead of me. With every conceivable twist and turn that I may or may not see coming. The one with questions. And follow up questions. And whys. The one that my answers may be good enough. Or not. The one that may be fine. For awhile. The one with smooth sailing. Or bumps.

I knew she wouldn't be a baby forever. She would become beautiful. And funny. And smart.

And curious.

And ask questions.

Questions that will hurt for me to answer because I want to give her everything. EVERYTHING. And this topic....DADDY...is one I can't control. Or give her with the snap of my fingers. Because I would if I could.

So my seatbelt is on. I'm ready. I can only pray that my answers satisfy her. That her longing and wishes and wants don't overshadow the undying love I have for her in every single fiber of my body.

Yes, baby girl. We are a family. I promise.