Out of the mouths of babes

This morning I was at my brother's house, and my mama and I were sitting in Jersey's room. Jersey will be 3 in a few days. I was playing dollhouse with her. For about 30 seconds we ended up taking a "nap", and she said it was time to get up. I was still laying there when she kinda laid on my stomach. I said, "oof!" She looked at my belly very seriously, and the following conversation happened.

J- "you don't have a baby?"

me - "no. I don't have a baby anymore."

J- "why?"

me - "It went to heaven."

J - "Why?"

me - "Because the baby got very, very,VERY sick."

J - "Oh.... That's so sad."

Yes, it is.

Not much to say at the moment

I went in yesterday afternoon for my 12 week appointment, and it seems jellybean's little heart was no longer beating. It must have happened in the past week since the ultrasound tech said he was at 11 weeks, a few days size. I went in today for a D&C and have spent the day sleeping off the pain meds.

That's all I have for now.

Well, hello Liz Lange!

So the nausea SEEMS to be gettin' better. It is no longer hangin' out all day. It comes in spurts. I'm still not a fan, but what can you do? It seems it's part of the package.

Did I mention I haven't been able to button my pants since the day before T'Giving? Well...not a fan of that either. Now i did go buy one of those belly band thingies. You know, the things that you put over your pants when they no longer button? But tonight I got sick of that. It bugs the ever living shit out of me for some reason.

So I headed to Target and picked up some normal girl pants in a size 12. And ya kinda have to walk through the maternity on the way to the dressing room, so I stopped and browsed.

And there was Liz Lange maternity. I almost giggled. I thought "what the hell?" and picked up two pair of pants and headed to the dressing room. I actually tried on the maternity pants first and OMG! WTF is going on when you can put on a pair of MATERNITY PANTS and they fit and look better than your normal stuff. I mean....that was the easiest shopping I've done in a long time!!! I WAS giggling in the dressing room at the sheer fact I was wearing maternity pants with my tiny pooch (thanks, Jellybean) sticking out. It was humorous.

So I bought a pair of grey cords. They are comfy, and most importantly they button. I can't help it. I want my damn pants to button!!!

So note to friends and family that have me on their Christmas list - Gap and Target gift cards, so Mama can get herself some more comy "oh yes they did button" britches!

On a side note....i told Daddy about jellybean "waving" his arm at us in the sonogram. He totally said that he's getting his throwing arm ready for that baseball!!!

Thank you Jesus..I.AM.HUNGRY.

Exciting news...for the first time in about 2+ weeks I woke up hungry. And stayed hungry throughout the day. THANK YOU JESUS!

So, I know I've been kinda missing. Well...let me get kinda serious for a bit here. For the past two weeks (just before I hit 8 weeks) two feelings hit me.

1)WTF have I done? Seriously...WHAT.THE.FUCK.HAVE.I.DONE?!
2)constant, all day, morning to night....nausea

this feeling hit about 2 days before my first doctor's appointment. And they hit hard. yes. I have been to the doctor twice and haven't even mentioned it. Mama couldn't believe I would talk about kissing my jeans goodbye yet not talk about seeing the jellybean.

Anyways...Reality hit and I confess I did have doubts (and have had) for two weeks now. It comes and goes.

What have I done?
Am I going to be able to do this?
Why did I do this?
I shouldn't have done this.
Should I have done this?
Holy shit! I'm a fuckin' idiot.

All of these thoughts have gone through my head constantly for two weeks. Since this turmoil started building up about the time the nausea hit I blame that. I'll be honest. I don't like feeling like I have a hangover every single day. this sux. I can't stand it. But today....

I WOKE UP HUNGRY AND THAT IS FAN-FUCKIN-TASTIC!!!

And I got hungry several times throughout the day. Awesome!

So let me catch you up to speed on the doctor's appointments, and if you haven't seen the ultrasound picture I'll try and get that posted one of these days. jellybean is just fine. the ultrasound was very neat. Mama went with me and got to see the heartbeat and Jellybean's jump when the doctor held the dildo cam still long enough. The second go round it was even neater (not the 3 hour appointment due to my doctor delivering a baby - that sucked a big one) and we got to see jellybean in 4D. Jellybean also waved at us. I'm totally going to have a friendly child.

So back to the most exciting news. I didn't feel yucky at all today and actually wanted and enjoyed my food. (However, I don't like foods that stay with ya like the onions that I put on my hamburger tonight. Yeah. So could have done without those!)

Anywhoo...I would like to say that it seems (fingers crossed, prayers being said) that Nasty Nausea has left the party. And here's hoping the bitch knows not to come back cuz she's not invited!