In the course of one day, I have learned three things pregnant women should not attempt..
1) Pregnant women should never go shopping...for clothes.
(It ain't pretty. Especially when you are in the "Noone knows I'm pregnant even though I can't button my pants or shirts" phase!)
2) Pregnant women should never watch "Extreme Makeover - Home Edition.
(and if you do watch be prepared for the waterworks - God Bless that fireman daddy and his five kids!)
3) No matter how hard you try - sucking in your stomach no longer works!
(Believe me...I've tried.)
Friday, November 28, 2008
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Saying goodbye is so hard
Tonight I had to say good bye to something I hold dear to my heart. That has been a part of my life for the past five years. I held them in my hands. Caressed my cheek with them. And then, as I placed them back in their spot in the closet, I kissed the pocket and whispered, "You've been a good pair of jeans."
Then I broke into a shitload of giggles. OMG! I can no longer where my Seven For All Mankind jeans!!! I own two pair. Now I know some of you reading this may not be "jean lovers" nor the type of person who will spend $150+ on a pair of jeans.
But I am. I will. I have.
And I have worn those jeans religiously for 3 - 5 years. 5 YEARS, PEOPLE!!! When I pack for a trip, they ALWAYS go in there. These are my tried and true "going out" jeans. I wear them in the winter with a sweater. I wear them in the summer with a great booby top. With my high heeled boots. And my sky high heels.
So imagine the fear pulsing through my body as I pulled them from my closet to try them on. Oh yeah. I'm not a dumbass. I knew they might not fit. Probably wouldn't. But they are my going out jeans! And I'm going to NYC this weekend! I've got to have "good jeans" in NYC! Oh yeah. I think the jeans even started crying when they realized there wasn't any way in hell they were making this trip to NYC with me. Shit. They won't be going anywhere for a long, long time. They are doomed to collect dust in my closet. No more skinny tight jeans for me. Thank God about 2 years ago on a shopping trip I accidentally bought a pair of Lucky Brand Jeans in size 12. (I wondered why they were so comfy at the time, but my dumbass didn't doublecheck thinking I had picked up the 8/10).
Anywhoo. Tonight I had to part ways with two tight sweaters (damn boobs), 3 pair of jeans and 1 pair of my favorite black pants. It's a sad night in Warner Robins.
I have never been one to "pack light." But damn...it's REAL easy to do when nothing in your closet fits. Guess it's a good thing I'm going to NYC. Shopping just moved to the top of the "things to do in NYC" list!!!
Then I broke into a shitload of giggles. OMG! I can no longer where my Seven For All Mankind jeans!!! I own two pair. Now I know some of you reading this may not be "jean lovers" nor the type of person who will spend $150+ on a pair of jeans.
But I am. I will. I have.
And I have worn those jeans religiously for 3 - 5 years. 5 YEARS, PEOPLE!!! When I pack for a trip, they ALWAYS go in there. These are my tried and true "going out" jeans. I wear them in the winter with a sweater. I wear them in the summer with a great booby top. With my high heeled boots. And my sky high heels.
So imagine the fear pulsing through my body as I pulled them from my closet to try them on. Oh yeah. I'm not a dumbass. I knew they might not fit. Probably wouldn't. But they are my going out jeans! And I'm going to NYC this weekend! I've got to have "good jeans" in NYC! Oh yeah. I think the jeans even started crying when they realized there wasn't any way in hell they were making this trip to NYC with me. Shit. They won't be going anywhere for a long, long time. They are doomed to collect dust in my closet. No more skinny tight jeans for me. Thank God about 2 years ago on a shopping trip I accidentally bought a pair of Lucky Brand Jeans in size 12. (I wondered why they were so comfy at the time, but my dumbass didn't doublecheck thinking I had picked up the 8/10).
Anywhoo. Tonight I had to part ways with two tight sweaters (damn boobs), 3 pair of jeans and 1 pair of my favorite black pants. It's a sad night in Warner Robins.
I have never been one to "pack light." But damn...it's REAL easy to do when nothing in your closet fits. Guess it's a good thing I'm going to NYC. Shopping just moved to the top of the "things to do in NYC" list!!!
Sunday, November 16, 2008
It's All Sinking In
Two things dawned on me today...
1) Constant nausea? I'm not a fan.
and
2)While I could get away with it now, come two or three months, I will no longer be able to sashay my cute little ass(in whatever jeans and booby top I've poured myself into) into Da Club and shake my booty something fierce. I will be forced to do all my booty shaking (while wearing sweats) in Da Living Room.
That's just sad.
1) Constant nausea? I'm not a fan.
and
2)While I could get away with it now, come two or three months, I will no longer be able to sashay my cute little ass(in whatever jeans and booby top I've poured myself into) into Da Club and shake my booty something fierce. I will be forced to do all my booty shaking (while wearing sweats) in Da Living Room.
That's just
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Miss me?
Goodness...It's so nice to know so many people miss my ramblings and worry when I haven't spoken up in awhile. Love y'all too.
So let's see....
Miss Vomit has not made an appearance to the party (Thank God), but her sorority sister Miss Nausea has shown up once or twice this week. She's kinda shy and doesn't cause alot of trouble. I'm hoping she stays that way and doesn't come out of her shell.
And speakin' of comin' out of her (or should I say THEIR)shell...Mary Ann and Ginger are wanting to say hello something fierce. I have a few cute buttondowns, while a bit on the fitted side, are still tasteful and appropriate for work. Uh. Not anymore. Yesterday morning the girls popped that top button within' 5 minutes of getting that shirt on. And this morning I put a tank top on under a shirt and damn if the strap didn't break from the strain! *I* myself really can't tell if the boobs are getting bigger, but it seems my clothing is stating otherwise.
I am a little irritable this week. But that could be because I have students that, as I am trying to walk them through a math problem they can't do, and ask, "Okay. So how many legs does a dog have?" and the answer is (after some thoughtful consideration), "2?" Or even better, "Okay. What step are you going to do first? Yes. 30 - 6. So what IS 30 - 6" and the answer is "5?" What? That doesn't make the average person irritable?! Should I remind y'all I'M TEACHING 4TH GRADE!!!!!! (Will you start praying for me if I tell you this child is a repeater and there is about 4 others in my class close to being in the same boat? Yes? You will?! Bless your heart.)
Smells bothering me? No. Food aversions? No. If anything when I want something...I.WANT.IT. And if I don't get it then whatever I do eat is not good. Then I'm not happy. The other night I wanted "Mema Cooking" - fried porkchops, potatoes and green beens (and not from the can). So I hit the grocery store and whipped me up some dinner. DAMN! It was good. But two days later when I was in the mood for ham, biscuits and mashed potatoes (homemade - not the box) or macaroni, and didn't have those ingredients and instead settled for chicken and the left over green beens...nuh-uh. Wasn't happenin'. Not a bit of it tasted good.
So it was off to the grocery store because by then (still pissed off I didn't enjoy my supper) I wanted potato chips and my favorite oreo cookie ice cream sandwich treats. Ticked when I got there and my ice cream desserts were nowhere to be found and settled on cookies and cream cheesecake bites. And do I need to tell you that all my groceries went in the trunk EXCEPT the cool ranch doritos. I was a little happier (but still wanting mashed potatos and biscuits). Guess what I had tonight? Oh yeah...ham. homemade mashed potatos (oooooh....hell yeah they were yummy) and biscuits from Cracker Barrell (thank you mama!).
And already a fruit lover, I think I could eat fruit 24/7 right now. I am eating about 5 or 6 fruits a day and really could do more. (my faves right now - bananas, kiwi and watermelon)
Seriously. I love food. I don't want to start throwing it up.
But on a serious note....I have learned exactly WHY I am single and pregnant. Because if I had a husband/boyfriend, if they didn't die from it first, they would leave me due to the toxic fumes shooting from my rear end!!!!!
Bad. Really bad.
So let's see....
Miss Vomit has not made an appearance to the party (Thank God), but her sorority sister Miss Nausea has shown up once or twice this week. She's kinda shy and doesn't cause alot of trouble. I'm hoping she stays that way and doesn't come out of her shell.
And speakin' of comin' out of her (or should I say THEIR)shell...Mary Ann and Ginger are wanting to say hello something fierce. I have a few cute buttondowns, while a bit on the fitted side, are still tasteful and appropriate for work. Uh. Not anymore. Yesterday morning the girls popped that top button within' 5 minutes of getting that shirt on. And this morning I put a tank top on under a shirt and damn if the strap didn't break from the strain! *I* myself really can't tell if the boobs are getting bigger, but it seems my clothing is stating otherwise.
I am a little irritable this week. But that could be because I have students that, as I am trying to walk them through a math problem they can't do, and ask, "Okay. So how many legs does a dog have?" and the answer is (after some thoughtful consideration), "2?" Or even better, "Okay. What step are you going to do first? Yes. 30 - 6. So what IS 30 - 6" and the answer is "5?" What? That doesn't make the average person irritable?! Should I remind y'all I'M TEACHING 4TH GRADE!!!!!! (Will you start praying for me if I tell you this child is a repeater and there is about 4 others in my class close to being in the same boat? Yes? You will?! Bless your heart.)
Smells bothering me? No. Food aversions? No. If anything when I want something...I.WANT.IT. And if I don't get it then whatever I do eat is not good. Then I'm not happy. The other night I wanted "Mema Cooking" - fried porkchops, potatoes and green beens (and not from the can). So I hit the grocery store and whipped me up some dinner. DAMN! It was good. But two days later when I was in the mood for ham, biscuits and mashed potatoes (homemade - not the box) or macaroni, and didn't have those ingredients and instead settled for chicken and the left over green beens...nuh-uh. Wasn't happenin'. Not a bit of it tasted good.
So it was off to the grocery store because by then (still pissed off I didn't enjoy my supper) I wanted potato chips and my favorite oreo cookie ice cream sandwich treats. Ticked when I got there and my ice cream desserts were nowhere to be found and settled on cookies and cream cheesecake bites. And do I need to tell you that all my groceries went in the trunk EXCEPT the cool ranch doritos. I was a little happier (but still wanting mashed potatos and biscuits). Guess what I had tonight? Oh yeah...ham. homemade mashed potatos (oooooh....hell yeah they were yummy) and biscuits from Cracker Barrell (thank you mama!).
And already a fruit lover, I think I could eat fruit 24/7 right now. I am eating about 5 or 6 fruits a day and really could do more. (my faves right now - bananas, kiwi and watermelon)
Seriously. I love food. I don't want to start throwing it up.
But on a serious note....I have learned exactly WHY I am single and pregnant. Because if I had a husband/boyfriend, if they didn't die from it first, they would leave me due to the toxic fumes shooting from my rear end!!!!!
Bad. Really bad.
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