I am 30 weeks today, and I just.can't.believe.it.
March will be here before I know it! And my girl doesn't even have a room yet. Well, she has a room. BUT IT IS STILL MY JUNKY OFFICE!
Two nights ago the "nesting" kicked in. It just seems my back porch renovation isn't moving as quickly as 10 weeks is likely to happen. Yesterday I woke up with the goal in mind - Start boxing up the office junk. Which it isn't junk to me, but since it is organized in no form or fashion i will call it junk. And, for the most part, it got boxed up. Actually some of it got moved to the spare room, so now the "Scarlett Room" (aka guest room, Jill's room, Melissa's room, etc.) is becoming the junk room. But that's okay!
Today.... among other activities that I won't talk about for long other than saying I had to go buy an effing new dishwasher AND refrigerator which was not what I wanted to be buying and it just pissed me off and I don't like to think about it too hard because I'll cry so I just did it and moved on....I stopped in Lowes and picked up paint samples for Lainey's room. And is it only fitting that "mimosa" is one of the colors I am considering?! So, now I sit here amidst cards with colors like Candy Hearts, Funshine, Dreamsickle, Creamsickle, Mimosa, Bunny's Nose, Sunbathed, Bleached Blonde, Sunny Delight....and I have to choose 3 of those colors for the "look" I'm going for. This is going to be tough!
In the midst of this I point out to J and D that Lainey will be here March 7th. And realized that March 8th is Fat Tuesday. AND HOW AWESOME WOULD THAT BE?! If you know me, you get it! so I have decided to ask Lainey every day not to come until the 8th just to humor Mommy.
On to Target to grab the gun and go ballistic finishing up my registry (which I started online). Of course, the minute I got the gun in my hand, the frickin' fridge guy called and said he was on the way to my house! Damn it!!!! Two hours later I returned to Target and proceeded to get gun happy. Now my registries ( BRU & Target) are about 95% done. I've got to look over them and see what I"m missing or what is completely random that needs to be deleted. But it got to feeling like I was shooting random stuff!!!
Productive day. And I'm exhausted.
Next up. Choose the 3 paint colors I want. Get rid of the pink recliner in the junk room. Start moving stuff out of there. PAINT. THE. WALLS. I don't care if everything is still in there and has to be moved to the middle of the room. I want paint on the walls.
10 weeks to go. My girl needs a room! And a fabulous room to boot.
Monday, December 27, 2010
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Woah! Or is that Third Trimester Woes?
So, I am 28 weeks. Third trimester.
I watch my belly move now.
IT. MOVES.
This makes me laugh hysterically. For two or three nights now, I'll be lying there reading and feel her start dancin'. What else would she be doing? So I lift up my shirt and watch. And there goes my stomach. It's crazy! I love it. I don't know why I had thought earlier that would be so weird. I mean, to an extent, it is. But it just makes me laugh so hard.
I no longer rush wherever I walk. I described myself today as a big lumbering beart just moving from point A to point B. I groan when I sit up. Or roll over. And, oh holy crap, don't let me sit on the floor! Because once I'm down, there is no way in hell I'm coming back up without making a tremendous amount of noise. The "miserable state" is coming on....slowly...but it is coming on. This extra 23 pounds is kicking my ass!
I didn't feel so well today. And no wonder. I think I about killed myself by cutting off my circulation!!! I reached down a few minutes ago to take off my socks and you should see the size of the indentions that those socks left! Seriously...I'm suprised my feet haven't turned purple and fallen the heck off.
Which reminds me of a week or two ago when I looked down and saw these fat sausages where my feet had been only hours earlier. I just stood there staring until H walked out in the hall and I yelled, "Hey. You know my feet. Do they look swollen to you?!" and she said, "I can see 'em from here. Oh yeah."
Fat feet.
I don't want fat feet.
I'm going to be so pissed if all my rockin' high heels don't fit when this is all said and done. I can't wait to meet Lainey, and I'll deal with 'em if I have to, but does she really need to give me fat feet?! I think not.
I better go have a talk with my belly about this. ;)
I watch my belly move now.
IT. MOVES.
This makes me laugh hysterically. For two or three nights now, I'll be lying there reading and feel her start dancin'. What else would she be doing? So I lift up my shirt and watch. And there goes my stomach. It's crazy! I love it. I don't know why I had thought earlier that would be so weird. I mean, to an extent, it is. But it just makes me laugh so hard.
I no longer rush wherever I walk. I described myself today as a big lumbering beart just moving from point A to point B. I groan when I sit up. Or roll over. And, oh holy crap, don't let me sit on the floor! Because once I'm down, there is no way in hell I'm coming back up without making a tremendous amount of noise. The "miserable state" is coming on....slowly...but it is coming on. This extra 23 pounds is kicking my ass!
I didn't feel so well today. And no wonder. I think I about killed myself by cutting off my circulation!!! I reached down a few minutes ago to take off my socks and you should see the size of the indentions that those socks left! Seriously...I'm suprised my feet haven't turned purple and fallen the heck off.
Which reminds me of a week or two ago when I looked down and saw these fat sausages where my feet had been only hours earlier. I just stood there staring until H walked out in the hall and I yelled, "Hey. You know my feet. Do they look swollen to you?!" and she said, "I can see 'em from here. Oh yeah."
Fat feet.
I don't want fat feet.
I'm going to be so pissed if all my rockin' high heels don't fit when this is all said and done. I can't wait to meet Lainey, and I'll deal with 'em if I have to, but does she really need to give me fat feet?! I think not.
I better go have a talk with my belly about this. ;)
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Oh so much to say!
It's December, and I've been missing for a month and a half. So this could be long. Nah. This WILL be long. Grab a drink (or two..have one for me) and sit back.
As far as I'm concerned Lainey is still a girl. I have had no further ultrasounds, but if all the hand me downs and recently purchased items that "I just HAD to get " are any indication, Lainey really needs to come out with a vagina. My brother refuses to buy me anything until I have another ultrasound because in his words, "the nuts could be dropping RIGHT NOW."
People have asked me about the name. Well...Pauline is for Mema, of course. I love Lainey because I wanted something different (it is not in the top 100 names of 2010!). I think it sounds beachy. I like that it sounds good with my name. Shelby and Lainey. But I really don't know when or where I found it or started liking it. I started liking it about 2 years ago when I was pregnant the first time. I read a blog online whose author has a daughter named Lainey. And I actually started reading it about 2 years ago. So maybe that is where I really started liking it? but then there is also a Lainey on General Hospital which I have watched for years. So maybe there. who knows? She does already have nicknames...Lainey Lou (my fave) and Lainey Bug.
I'm now at 27 weeks. I visited the doctor today and everything is hunkee-doree. I wonder if they realize that I'm the girl that comes in and you never know what she's going to say. I feel like it should be that way. At my last appointment, after having a HUGE lunch and dressing in heavy shoes, courderoy pants, sweater and shirt, I walked into the nurse area and kinda yelled out, "Can I step on that scale naked?!" I wasn't happy with the results, but i believe the above mentioned dressing stupidity leant to at least 4 not really there pounds! However, today I walked in after not eating anything and dressing as lightly as I could (BTW it's cold as shit!) the midwife declared, "Wow! You only gained one pound over Thanksgiving?!"
I truly think it was those 4 earlier imaginary pounds that really weren't there, but who cares. I'll go with a total of 23 pounds gained. I just don't want to gain much more. 35 sounds like a really nice, healthy number. At school i had a donut and my friend, A, said, "oh eat 2 or 3! Enjoy it while you can!" I quickly replied, "hell no because when this kid comes I have no desire to try and lose those 2 or 3 donuts!"
On a funny note, my brother calls me "fat girl" and "chunky monkey." Yeah. And only HE can get away with that! Noone else better try it!
Today I had to drink that syrupy crap to test for gestational diabetes. The younger girl next to me was having a hard time with it. Not that it was the best stuff in the world but I said outloud to the nurses, "I'm just going to pretend I'm at the bar and do it like a shot." And there you go. After a bit they checked to make sure I wasn't feeling icky and I said matter of factly, "Listen...I had bar mentality! I've had WAAAAAY worse at some bars I've gone too." ha!
I have had so many people give me some of the cutest hand me downs! My spare room is filling up so fast! I've started my registries, just doing a little at a time. And I've already been sent one of my big presents off of it. I came home to find the pack and play I registered for on my door step. It was from C & D in West Palm Beach. How sweet! I called them immediately to thank them and she replied, "We had to get that as your present. So now no excuses. She's got somewhere to sleep when you take a trip to South Florida." Which is totally funny becasue when I put it on list I envisioned Lainey sleeping in it at the beach house or down in Key West. I love that they were the ones that got that for me. Totally fitting!
Oh...Cougarville? yeah. I've taken a trip there. Seems a 20 week pregnant belly was not a hamper. What sucked...it wasn't as wonderful as the past. But hey....I was worried about 3 things...cramping, bleeding, or farting. None of them happened...but the fear still put a damper in it. Plus someone had had to much beer if you ask me. And I ain't drinkin'!
Halloween....HILARIOUS! I went to two parties. For one I was #12 (one of Tiger Woods mistresses.) I carried around a pay off check and a People magazine I had doctored with my picture and "the story". Amusing. Then I had even more fun as a pregnant white trash redneck. I drank water out of my 24 oz budweiser can and had a marborol hanging out of my mouth the whole night.
Lainey's bedding came in today. I am NOT going with an animal theme (as damn cute as they are). It's the colors I love...pink, yellow, orange sherbert....and the polka dots and stripes. i'm going to use white stripes and the walls are going to be a lighter shade of the bedding. I've been jumping all over my house because I love it so much!
So, I'm doing a lot more huffing and puffing, moaning and groaning. When I try to get off the couch. Or out of the car. Or sit up. I think everything is hilariously funny. Even more so than normal. When I start laughing, I can't stop. Which doesn't help with the peeing in your pants thing. But what can you do? Other than cross your legs and bend over. I'm hoping all the laughing is going right into Lainey's spirit and she is going to come out laughing too!
and that's it. At least for now.
As far as I'm concerned Lainey is still a girl. I have had no further ultrasounds, but if all the hand me downs and recently purchased items that "I just HAD to get " are any indication, Lainey really needs to come out with a vagina. My brother refuses to buy me anything until I have another ultrasound because in his words, "the nuts could be dropping RIGHT NOW."
People have asked me about the name. Well...Pauline is for Mema, of course. I love Lainey because I wanted something different (it is not in the top 100 names of 2010!). I think it sounds beachy. I like that it sounds good with my name. Shelby and Lainey. But I really don't know when or where I found it or started liking it. I started liking it about 2 years ago when I was pregnant the first time. I read a blog online whose author has a daughter named Lainey. And I actually started reading it about 2 years ago. So maybe that is where I really started liking it? but then there is also a Lainey on General Hospital which I have watched for years. So maybe there. who knows? She does already have nicknames...Lainey Lou (my fave) and Lainey Bug.
I'm now at 27 weeks. I visited the doctor today and everything is hunkee-doree. I wonder if they realize that I'm the girl that comes in and you never know what she's going to say. I feel like it should be that way. At my last appointment, after having a HUGE lunch and dressing in heavy shoes, courderoy pants, sweater and shirt, I walked into the nurse area and kinda yelled out, "Can I step on that scale naked?!" I wasn't happy with the results, but i believe the above mentioned dressing stupidity leant to at least 4 not really there pounds! However, today I walked in after not eating anything and dressing as lightly as I could (BTW it's cold as shit!) the midwife declared, "Wow! You only gained one pound over Thanksgiving?!"
I truly think it was those 4 earlier imaginary pounds that really weren't there, but who cares. I'll go with a total of 23 pounds gained. I just don't want to gain much more. 35 sounds like a really nice, healthy number. At school i had a donut and my friend, A, said, "oh eat 2 or 3! Enjoy it while you can!" I quickly replied, "hell no because when this kid comes I have no desire to try and lose those 2 or 3 donuts!"
On a funny note, my brother calls me "fat girl" and "chunky monkey." Yeah. And only HE can get away with that! Noone else better try it!
Today I had to drink that syrupy crap to test for gestational diabetes. The younger girl next to me was having a hard time with it. Not that it was the best stuff in the world but I said outloud to the nurses, "I'm just going to pretend I'm at the bar and do it like a shot." And there you go. After a bit they checked to make sure I wasn't feeling icky and I said matter of factly, "Listen...I had bar mentality! I've had WAAAAAY worse at some bars I've gone too." ha!
I have had so many people give me some of the cutest hand me downs! My spare room is filling up so fast! I've started my registries, just doing a little at a time. And I've already been sent one of my big presents off of it. I came home to find the pack and play I registered for on my door step. It was from C & D in West Palm Beach. How sweet! I called them immediately to thank them and she replied, "We had to get that as your present. So now no excuses. She's got somewhere to sleep when you take a trip to South Florida." Which is totally funny becasue when I put it on list I envisioned Lainey sleeping in it at the beach house or down in Key West. I love that they were the ones that got that for me. Totally fitting!
Oh...Cougarville? yeah. I've taken a trip there. Seems a 20 week pregnant belly was not a hamper. What sucked...it wasn't as wonderful as the past. But hey....I was worried about 3 things...cramping, bleeding, or farting. None of them happened...but the fear still put a damper in it. Plus someone had had to much beer if you ask me. And I ain't drinkin'!
Halloween....HILARIOUS! I went to two parties. For one I was #12 (one of Tiger Woods mistresses.) I carried around a pay off check and a People magazine I had doctored with my picture and "the story". Amusing. Then I had even more fun as a pregnant white trash redneck. I drank water out of my 24 oz budweiser can and had a marborol hanging out of my mouth the whole night.
Lainey's bedding came in today. I am NOT going with an animal theme (as damn cute as they are). It's the colors I love...pink, yellow, orange sherbert....and the polka dots and stripes. i'm going to use white stripes and the walls are going to be a lighter shade of the bedding. I've been jumping all over my house because I love it so much!
So, I'm doing a lot more huffing and puffing, moaning and groaning. When I try to get off the couch. Or out of the car. Or sit up. I think everything is hilariously funny. Even more so than normal. When I start laughing, I can't stop. Which doesn't help with the peeing in your pants thing. But what can you do? Other than cross your legs and bend over. I'm hoping all the laughing is going right into Lainey's spirit and she is going to come out laughing too!
and that's it. At least for now.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Houston....We have a vagina!
So, I didn't realize I hadn't gotten on here to share the news. It's a girl. Now if this baby is born with a penis I'll be a little upset. Before I was fine with boy or girl. but now I've been told girl. I already have HER room imagined in my head. I have already pulled out HER clothes in my "oh that is cute and on sale, I can't pass it up" plastic bin I have been collecting during frequent baby phases the last two or three years. I have already started talking to HER. And tonight i believe I felt HER movement! (though I'm a little worried because she made her presence known while I was watching "Rock of Love Girls: Now"!) And I have given HER a name.
Lainey Pauline...
Pauline after Mema. And Lainey just because I have loved it for several years now. She has already got nicknames too. Lainey Bug. Lainey Lou.
I am so excited to meet her. You should see her little toes in the ultrasound picture. And here are some of the things that were said during the ultrasound and later while viewing the US pix...
"boy...It looks like she is talking up a storm"
"I think she is snapping her fingers."
"She must be singing!"
"Umm...Shelby...can you say Jersey Shore? It totally looks like she is fist pumping!"
That's my girl!
Lainey Pauline...
Pauline after Mema. And Lainey just because I have loved it for several years now. She has already got nicknames too. Lainey Bug. Lainey Lou.
I am so excited to meet her. You should see her little toes in the ultrasound picture. And here are some of the things that were said during the ultrasound and later while viewing the US pix...
"boy...It looks like she is talking up a storm"
"I think she is snapping her fingers."
"She must be singing!"
"Umm...Shelby...can you say Jersey Shore? It totally looks like she is fist pumping!"
That's my girl!
Monday, October 11, 2010
It's October 11!!!
I am 19 weeks today. My appointment is at 4 this afternoon. Hopefully, I will find out if it is a boy or a girl. this whole time I have felt like it's a girl. Now, I really don't care either way. All I want is a healthy baby, and I do mean that. I love baby boys AND baby girls. But I'm feeling it's a girl. Mama thinks (or wants) girl. M thinks (or wants) girl. Gay J wants to be an Aunt to a girl. I also had my 3rd or 4th girl dream the other night. I kinda think that now if they say boy I might be a tad disappointed. Oh, I won't cry or anything, but just a teensy weensy disappointed.
T and C are calling boy. At least, C is. Z just sent me a text calling boy. So this is going to be really fun to find out.
Pink or blue?! Blue or pink?
T and C are calling boy. At least, C is. Z just sent me a text calling boy. So this is going to be really fun to find out.
Pink or blue?! Blue or pink?
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Scarin' the Boy Toy
So, I feel like I have mentioned the fact that I visited "CougarVille" about a year ago. Maybe I didn't. But in order to tell this story, I have to let you know. I visited Cougarville. In August '09. And I've visited several times since then. What can I say? Ain't no shame in my game.
On with the story....so I'm 37. He's 22. Shut up! He's older...than when we started back when he was, oh, 21. LOL This past spring he got a girlfriend, and our visits ended. Oh how I missed those trips, but the memories were great.
And, lo and behold, about 3 weeks ago I started getting texts that let me know THIS FABULOUS 37 YEAR OLD was on his mind something fierce. (and the girlfriend is still in the picture) Now, he didn't know I was pregnant and at the time I felt like I could get away with a bloated stomache. However, the first night he called I felt like shit and my legs weren't shaved. And I had no energy to get up at 1 in the morning and shave 'em. A week later another text. Well, I shaved those legs and we made a "date". But about 30 minutes before that, I started feeling a little crappy, I was crying about all the 9-11 stuff I was watching on the history channel, and I was having a concience about his girlfriend - a girl who looks very sweet and has never done anything to me. So I made up some lie and got out of it.
well, this past weekend I told my friend GayJ who is also a mutal friend with Hottie BoomBottie. We thought it would be funny to finally let the cat out of the bag, so GayJ sends a message.
GayJ- "Holy shit! did you know? I just found out S is pregnant!"
HBB- (within a minute buy the way, when it usually takes 30 or more) "ARe you serious? Who's the Daddy?"
GayJ - "YOU!"
HBB- "SHUT UP!"
I bet we made the poor thing shit in his pants!!!! GayJ cleared the joke up and I texted with him later. All is good. But I knew the minute he heard that I was 4 or 5 months pregnant, he would freak and then do a quick count of the last Cougarville visit. he was safe by a month!!!! LOL
And do I even have to tell you people that have been pregnant before how freakin' horny I am!!!! I'm still trying to figure if I can get away with the "just bloated" look. Guess I'll just have to wait until next summer to take my next vacation to Cougarville. That's just sad.
On with the story....so I'm 37. He's 22. Shut up! He's older...than when we started back when he was, oh, 21. LOL This past spring he got a girlfriend, and our visits ended. Oh how I missed those trips, but the memories were great.
And, lo and behold, about 3 weeks ago I started getting texts that let me know THIS FABULOUS 37 YEAR OLD was on his mind something fierce. (and the girlfriend is still in the picture) Now, he didn't know I was pregnant and at the time I felt like I could get away with a bloated stomache. However, the first night he called I felt like shit and my legs weren't shaved. And I had no energy to get up at 1 in the morning and shave 'em. A week later another text. Well, I shaved those legs and we made a "date". But about 30 minutes before that, I started feeling a little crappy, I was crying about all the 9-11 stuff I was watching on the history channel, and I was having a concience about his girlfriend - a girl who looks very sweet and has never done anything to me. So I made up some lie and got out of it.
well, this past weekend I told my friend GayJ who is also a mutal friend with Hottie BoomBottie. We thought it would be funny to finally let the cat out of the bag, so GayJ sends a message.
GayJ- "Holy shit! did you know? I just found out S is pregnant!"
HBB- (within a minute buy the way, when it usually takes 30 or more) "ARe you serious? Who's the Daddy?"
GayJ - "YOU!"
HBB- "SHUT UP!"
I bet we made the poor thing shit in his pants!!!! GayJ cleared the joke up and I texted with him later. All is good. But I knew the minute he heard that I was 4 or 5 months pregnant, he would freak and then do a quick count of the last Cougarville visit. he was safe by a month!!!! LOL
And do I even have to tell you people that have been pregnant before how freakin' horny I am!!!! I'm still trying to figure if I can get away with the "just bloated" look. Guess I'll just have to wait until next summer to take my next vacation to Cougarville. That's just sad.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Really?!
There are just some things happening to me that make me go....really? Seriously? Double. You. Tee. Eff.
Here are just some random things about pregnancy I just love. (Sarcasm intended, folks.)
Gagging....
I can be walking through my house, and out of the blue, I just gag. It is quite annoying. But, thank God, it's just that and NOT puking. I couldn't handle both.
Peeing...
my ass and the toilet seat should be BFF's by now, as much as I go to the bathroom. I'm so over the peeing.
My nipples....
Seriously. They crack me up. I literally laugh when I get a glimpse of them. I just wish I had someone to show them to. I mean, I could show them to Charlie, but he's blind. And he's a dog. So even if he wasn't blind, he wouldn't find the humor in these crazy ass things! If I had a fella, I would so be that chick that walks into the room or yells from the bathroom, "Baby, check these things OUT!" But I can't. Damn it.
Someone that is not elevated to "close friend" status but "acquaintance" status touching my belly...
WTF?! Really, did you just do that dude? Yes, this was a man! Did you seriously just effin' touch my stomach? While I find you very nice, we are not close enough for you to freakin' do that!
Creepy old(er) men....Okay, so this has nothing to do with being pregnant. I'm just over them. don't grab me. don't hug me. Don't try to flirt with me. And seriously DO NOT comment on my tee shirt which says "bite me" and say, "I told you about wearing that naughty shirt. I oughta take you out back and spank you." Seriously....okay, we'll go out back, and I will go ghetto on your ass and whoop the shit out of you, you effin' creep. I get riled up just thinking about it!
Maternity pants....
I love 'em!!! And the sarcasm has been dropped. I....LOVE...THEM...first of all, my favorite things to live in are comfy shorts with their elastic waistband. I mean, I live in my purple PINK shorts, so why wouldn't I love comfy maternity pants. They are fabulous. Just fabulous. I heart you elastic waistband.
Tomorrow is the end of my days at the part time job. I've been dreading going in the past two or three weekends, but I suck it up becasue I love the extra money. But last Sunday, I was so put out by any request no matter how trivial that I was in permanent "F*ck You" state of mine. The little grandma that asked me for a straw....sure, I"ll get you a straw. F*ck you." Yeah, it's time to go.
Here are just some random things about pregnancy I just love. (Sarcasm intended, folks.)
Gagging....
I can be walking through my house, and out of the blue, I just gag. It is quite annoying. But, thank God, it's just that and NOT puking. I couldn't handle both.
Peeing...
my ass and the toilet seat should be BFF's by now, as much as I go to the bathroom. I'm so over the peeing.
My nipples....
Seriously. They crack me up. I literally laugh when I get a glimpse of them. I just wish I had someone to show them to. I mean, I could show them to Charlie, but he's blind. And he's a dog. So even if he wasn't blind, he wouldn't find the humor in these crazy ass things! If I had a fella, I would so be that chick that walks into the room or yells from the bathroom, "Baby, check these things OUT!" But I can't. Damn it.
Someone that is not elevated to "close friend" status but "acquaintance" status touching my belly...
WTF?! Really, did you just do that dude? Yes, this was a man! Did you seriously just effin' touch my stomach? While I find you very nice, we are not close enough for you to freakin' do that!
Creepy old(er) men....Okay, so this has nothing to do with being pregnant. I'm just over them. don't grab me. don't hug me. Don't try to flirt with me. And seriously DO NOT comment on my tee shirt which says "bite me" and say, "I told you about wearing that naughty shirt. I oughta take you out back and spank you." Seriously....okay, we'll go out back, and I will go ghetto on your ass and whoop the shit out of you, you effin' creep. I get riled up just thinking about it!
Maternity pants....
I love 'em!!! And the sarcasm has been dropped. I....LOVE...THEM...first of all, my favorite things to live in are comfy shorts with their elastic waistband. I mean, I live in my purple PINK shorts, so why wouldn't I love comfy maternity pants. They are fabulous. Just fabulous. I heart you elastic waistband.
Tomorrow is the end of my days at the part time job. I've been dreading going in the past two or three weekends, but I suck it up becasue I love the extra money. But last Sunday, I was so put out by any request no matter how trivial that I was in permanent "F*ck You" state of mine. The little grandma that asked me for a straw....sure, I"ll get you a straw. F*ck you." Yeah, it's time to go.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
I'm a Poser.
Today I was informed I really should get on the waiting lists at any daycares I might be interested in. Well, there are 2 I have in mind. So I went. And talked to the people in charge. And saw the baby rooms. And got the details on prices and the such.
And I felt like a complete dumbass the whole time. Seriously. A dumbass.
The whole idea of me there with my silly little maternity shirt and pants on asking about these things was just so foreign to me that all I could think was, "They probably think I'm a dumbass." I really did have the thought that the lady at the first place thought I was probably just playing a practical joke on her.
I know in the coming months I'm going to feel this way many times. But it was weird. Just. Plain. Weird.
And I felt like a complete dumbass the whole time. Seriously. A dumbass.
The whole idea of me there with my silly little maternity shirt and pants on asking about these things was just so foreign to me that all I could think was, "They probably think I'm a dumbass." I really did have the thought that the lady at the first place thought I was probably just playing a practical joke on her.
I know in the coming months I'm going to feel this way many times. But it was weird. Just. Plain. Weird.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
I heart Chic-fil-A.
I have been M.I.A. I know. But here I am again. I'll give you the rundown as I know it.
For about 6 weeks I was absolutely fucking miserable. there is no other way to put it. FUCKING MISERABLE. There is no sugar coating it. I know it could have been worse. I never threw up. But from 11 in the morning til 11 at night, I felt like it For 5 to 6 weeks. The whole time. And it got worse as the day went on. I was so miserable I went days without checking email. (GASP!) Days without facebook. (HORRORS!) I didn't want to talk to anyone. All I wanted to do was exist from 8 to 4 and then immediatly come home and lay on my couch until I could slip into a sleep like existence, where for a few short hours I may have felt bad but I didn't know.
And on top of that, it seems that being pregnant and miserable sent me into somewhat of a depression. I had morbid thoughts. I went to two appointments, both times expecting them to tell me that I wasn't pregnant and that I was going to have another D&C. I had such morbid depressed thoughts that I won't even utter out loud those thoughts. Not to anyone. let's just leave it at they were bad.
once around 10 weeks I KNEW I had had a miscarriage, and there was no way that I was going to hold out 12 weeks with a dead baby in me.(some of those negative thoughts I was carrying around) So I called the doctor with a lie. I was bleeding. I wasn't. That was the lie. But I knew when I added that the baby was measuring small and that I had a previous miscarriage that they would give me an ultrasound. Sure enough they did....and the baby was fine.
And then after 5 weeks of an utter miserable exsistence, seasonal allergies hit. You know....when our summer (100 degrees) turns to fall (90 degrees)...And I couldn't take my prescription meds. I had to try Claritin. IT SUCKS. I had to try Benadryl. IT SUCKS. On to Zyrtec and wondering what i was going to do if that fucking didn't work!And after a week I broke down and finally let someone in on a little bit of how I was feeling and M got to be my therapist. Thank God for friends that just let you cry.
If I was asked one more time, "Are you excited?" I thought I might fucking scream. I was too sick to feel excited. I was too scared to feel excited. "NO." is all I replied. Because I couldn't explain my thoughts and feelings in my head without someone committing me. NO.NO.NO.NO.NO. I'm not excited. I'm adopting next time.
And that's how I felt until my 16 week appointment last week. The allergies had subsided. (Yeah Zyrtec!) But I went in with the same dread that there would be no heartbeat. And there was one. And I came away from that appointment feeling different. Oh, I'm still scared. But no longer feeling miserable. It's real. And I've been able to start walking again (oh, how I missed excercising...I could do nothing but lay on the couch), and i started catching up at work....And I've just been a different person this week than I have been for the last 6.
And on October 11th I find out if it's a boy or girl!!!! Mama is already calling girl. Noone else has made any predictions. I'm thinking girl. But we'll see.
As for the mundane things. I have had no real aversions to any foods. If I'm "craving" anything it is fruit (strawberries and plums are a definite favorite), italian ice and popsicles, pickles (it's a must I keep a jar in my frig at all times) and most recently Chic-Fil-A. I have had this last one two nights in a row, and I could honestly eat another right now. I have gained 11 pounds. some days I'm pooched out. Some days not so much. I wear maternity pants because I don't like the rubber band trick or the belly band thing. I'm all for comfort. And they are comfortable. I have begun telling more and more people. I'm trying to tell the people I want to tell, and then the rest can just hear it from gossip. ha!
Caffiene. I know I should give it up cold turkey. But I can't. I have had daily caffiene since junior high. I have cut back to 1/2 caf coffee and only a cup to a cup and a half. And some days I have a coke. I drank one tonight and you would have thought it came straight from heaven. (that's another craving). And if the other day is any indication...where I went without and a headache turned into a migrane taht ended with me puking...well, I won't be giving up my caffiene.
I have had a mimosa. Sue me. One of my miserable nights of existence where I knew everything was wrong and the world just sucked, I went to the grocery store and bought one of those little four packs of champagne. We all know in a non-pregnant state, I drink the whole bottle. Well, I got home pulled one out and stuck it in the freezer. I left it in a wee bit long and it got slushy. I mixed it with some OJ and voila! I sipped that Mimosa like the world would end when it did. It may have been the best damn mimosa I have ever had! Then I pushed the other 3 to the back of the cabinet where they wait warm and univiting until any special occasions arise. Like Columbus Day. Or Halloween.
So....that's just a little update from me. Sorry I've been missing. I'll try to do better now that I"m feeling better.
For about 6 weeks I was absolutely fucking miserable. there is no other way to put it. FUCKING MISERABLE. There is no sugar coating it. I know it could have been worse. I never threw up. But from 11 in the morning til 11 at night, I felt like it For 5 to 6 weeks. The whole time. And it got worse as the day went on. I was so miserable I went days without checking email. (GASP!) Days without facebook. (HORRORS!) I didn't want to talk to anyone. All I wanted to do was exist from 8 to 4 and then immediatly come home and lay on my couch until I could slip into a sleep like existence, where for a few short hours I may have felt bad but I didn't know.
And on top of that, it seems that being pregnant and miserable sent me into somewhat of a depression. I had morbid thoughts. I went to two appointments, both times expecting them to tell me that I wasn't pregnant and that I was going to have another D&C. I had such morbid depressed thoughts that I won't even utter out loud those thoughts. Not to anyone. let's just leave it at they were bad.
once around 10 weeks I KNEW I had had a miscarriage, and there was no way that I was going to hold out 12 weeks with a dead baby in me.(some of those negative thoughts I was carrying around) So I called the doctor with a lie. I was bleeding. I wasn't. That was the lie. But I knew when I added that the baby was measuring small and that I had a previous miscarriage that they would give me an ultrasound. Sure enough they did....and the baby was fine.
And then after 5 weeks of an utter miserable exsistence, seasonal allergies hit. You know....when our summer (100 degrees) turns to fall (90 degrees)...And I couldn't take my prescription meds. I had to try Claritin. IT SUCKS. I had to try Benadryl. IT SUCKS. On to Zyrtec and wondering what i was going to do if that fucking didn't work!And after a week I broke down and finally let someone in on a little bit of how I was feeling and M got to be my therapist. Thank God for friends that just let you cry.
If I was asked one more time, "Are you excited?" I thought I might fucking scream. I was too sick to feel excited. I was too scared to feel excited. "NO." is all I replied. Because I couldn't explain my thoughts and feelings in my head without someone committing me. NO.NO.NO.NO.NO. I'm not excited. I'm adopting next time.
And that's how I felt until my 16 week appointment last week. The allergies had subsided. (Yeah Zyrtec!) But I went in with the same dread that there would be no heartbeat. And there was one. And I came away from that appointment feeling different. Oh, I'm still scared. But no longer feeling miserable. It's real. And I've been able to start walking again (oh, how I missed excercising...I could do nothing but lay on the couch), and i started catching up at work....And I've just been a different person this week than I have been for the last 6.
And on October 11th I find out if it's a boy or girl!!!! Mama is already calling girl. Noone else has made any predictions. I'm thinking girl. But we'll see.
As for the mundane things. I have had no real aversions to any foods. If I'm "craving" anything it is fruit (strawberries and plums are a definite favorite), italian ice and popsicles, pickles (it's a must I keep a jar in my frig at all times) and most recently Chic-Fil-A. I have had this last one two nights in a row, and I could honestly eat another right now. I have gained 11 pounds. some days I'm pooched out. Some days not so much. I wear maternity pants because I don't like the rubber band trick or the belly band thing. I'm all for comfort. And they are comfortable. I have begun telling more and more people. I'm trying to tell the people I want to tell, and then the rest can just hear it from gossip. ha!
Caffiene. I know I should give it up cold turkey. But I can't. I have had daily caffiene since junior high. I have cut back to 1/2 caf coffee and only a cup to a cup and a half. And some days I have a coke. I drank one tonight and you would have thought it came straight from heaven. (that's another craving). And if the other day is any indication...where I went without and a headache turned into a migrane taht ended with me puking...well, I won't be giving up my caffiene.
I have had a mimosa. Sue me. One of my miserable nights of existence where I knew everything was wrong and the world just sucked, I went to the grocery store and bought one of those little four packs of champagne. We all know in a non-pregnant state, I drink the whole bottle. Well, I got home pulled one out and stuck it in the freezer. I left it in a wee bit long and it got slushy. I mixed it with some OJ and voila! I sipped that Mimosa like the world would end when it did. It may have been the best damn mimosa I have ever had! Then I pushed the other 3 to the back of the cabinet where they wait warm and univiting until any special occasions arise. Like Columbus Day. Or Halloween.
So....that's just a little update from me. Sorry I've been missing. I'll try to do better now that I"m feeling better.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
It's 10 pm. Feel Like Pukin'. Just Feel like it.
Barf.
So the nausea is slowly creeping in, and it's favorite time is night. I slept with crackers on my bed last night. If I woke up at any point, I had a cracker. Then I went back to sleep.
Ugh. I don't have much to say but...ugh.
So the nausea is slowly creeping in, and it's favorite time is night. I slept with crackers on my bed last night. If I woke up at any point, I had a cracker. Then I went back to sleep.
Ugh. I don't have much to say but...ugh.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
March 7, 2011
I had my first official prenatal appointment today. Just routine stuff. No peeks at Babycakes since I just got to peek yesterday. I go again in 4 weeks and that'll be the one that the anxiousness and worry kicks in. The 12 week appointment. I shudder just thinking about it. But I'm going to pray hard, and it's going to be all good.
Though I feel bad because I also took Bunny (this precious bunny I got years ago at Cracker Barrell and who has sat on my bedside table in hopes of one day giving it to a child of mine) and only Bear ended up in the picture. Sorry Bunny! I'll make it up to you the next go round!
Monday, July 26, 2010
Baby Just Wanted Some Key Lime Pie!
That's all.
2nd appointment today and the "optimistic" in "cautiously optimistic" became somewhat stronger! Babycakes is still a week behind but definitely grew. And had a nice strong heartbeat of 146. The doctor was much happier with today's visit. Not completely out of the woods but lookin' better.
So I'm going to chalk it up to my baby is going to love Key West as much as I do. Babycakes just needed my Happy Place vibes to grow, grow, grow.
And the Key Lime Pie and Conch Chowder probably didn't hurt a bit either! The kid knows good food. ;)
2nd appointment today and the "optimistic" in "cautiously optimistic" became somewhat stronger! Babycakes is still a week behind but definitely grew. And had a nice strong heartbeat of 146. The doctor was much happier with today's visit. Not completely out of the woods but lookin' better.
So I'm going to chalk it up to my baby is going to love Key West as much as I do. Babycakes just needed my Happy Place vibes to grow, grow, grow.
And the Key Lime Pie and Conch Chowder probably didn't hurt a bit either! The kid knows good food. ;)
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Key West....Sober.
I can handle it! But then...it IS my happy place, so I shouldn't be surprised.
H and I had a wonderful time. We got down there with no problem. Flying into KW is THE BEST! We spend the afternoons by the pool, ate good meals, enjoyed spending time with friends. Two or three friends noticed that I wasn't drinking much. I did the sprite with grenadine trick. And once a friend bought a round of shots. The shot looked just like my drink, and noone noticed me pour it out and refill my shot glass (did this within seconds). Then I took the shot with them. haha After that it just kinda became funny to order water to see what everyone would say. I gave them this story (which is really kinda truthful) that after spending my june trip as a drunken retard I was trying to experience "remembering" this trip. LOL Getting home was another thing though. Tropical Storm bonnie was coming through. We didn't make the first flight out, and the second - bigger - flight was cancelled! The next flight was obviously overbooked. We ended up getting the last....THE LAST...rental car out of KW and driving home. I'm still exhausted!
Tomorrow is my appointment. I don't feel any different than I did last week. No symptoms. I've just been praying alot and chanting, "Grow, baby, Grow". Hopefully, everything will be allright tomorrow afternoon and this little baby IS growing.
Oh, I hope so.
H and I had a wonderful time. We got down there with no problem. Flying into KW is THE BEST! We spend the afternoons by the pool, ate good meals, enjoyed spending time with friends. Two or three friends noticed that I wasn't drinking much. I did the sprite with grenadine trick. And once a friend bought a round of shots. The shot looked just like my drink, and noone noticed me pour it out and refill my shot glass (did this within seconds). Then I took the shot with them. haha After that it just kinda became funny to order water to see what everyone would say. I gave them this story (which is really kinda truthful) that after spending my june trip as a drunken retard I was trying to experience "remembering" this trip. LOL Getting home was another thing though. Tropical Storm bonnie was coming through. We didn't make the first flight out, and the second - bigger - flight was cancelled! The next flight was obviously overbooked. We ended up getting the last....THE LAST...rental car out of KW and driving home. I'm still exhausted!
Tomorrow is my appointment. I don't feel any different than I did last week. No symptoms. I've just been praying alot and chanting, "Grow, baby, Grow". Hopefully, everything will be allright tomorrow afternoon and this little baby IS growing.
Oh, I hope so.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Verdict..."Cautiously Optimistic"
There is a baby. There is a heartbeat. However, babycakes is measuring smaller than where it should be. So we are being "cautiously optimistic" until Monday when I go again to make sure there is significant growth.
Started the morning out in a fantastic mood. Had fun getting my pictures taken with some photographers that i had won a free session with. And over breakfast with H we decided to hop on a plan....TONIGHT...to head to Key West for a few days! Well, we "hope" to hop on a plane. It's standby and there is only one flight available. But for $98.40 roundtrip straight to KW....we will take our chances.
But as I started driving to that appointment the knot in my chest and stomach started up. Anxiousness and worry kicked in big time. Which I knew it would because of the last time I went in for an ultrasound. And also because I don't FEEL pregnant. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw that heartbeat. But then the anxiousness kicked in when I saw the numbers for size.
so now we wait. In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy a few relaxing days of sunshine in my happy place. I'm going to smile, laugh, think happy thoughts and send all that joy straight to Babycakes!
Prayers, people. Prayers.
Started the morning out in a fantastic mood. Had fun getting my pictures taken with some photographers that i had won a free session with. And over breakfast with H we decided to hop on a plan....TONIGHT...to head to Key West for a few days! Well, we "hope" to hop on a plane. It's standby and there is only one flight available. But for $98.40 roundtrip straight to KW....we will take our chances.
But as I started driving to that appointment the knot in my chest and stomach started up. Anxiousness and worry kicked in big time. Which I knew it would because of the last time I went in for an ultrasound. And also because I don't FEEL pregnant. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw that heartbeat. But then the anxiousness kicked in when I saw the numbers for size.
so now we wait. In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy a few relaxing days of sunshine in my happy place. I'm going to smile, laugh, think happy thoughts and send all that joy straight to Babycakes!
Prayers, people. Prayers.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Stress isn't good for the baby, right?!
So, this little story isn't so much pregnancy related as it is about the *wonderful* relationship mothers and daughters can have. Specifically - me and my mother! Even though we can yell and be impatient and get mad at each other, we can also just laugh our asses off one second later. And I love that! This is one such story.
It amazes me that I can stand in a line for hours to get to the stage at a Kenny concert, yet you put me in a room with my Mama and a computer and I LOSE MY EFFING MIND! For some reason, trying to teach her computer skills puts me right over the edge of insanity! I really do go into it TRYING to be patient, but I ain't gonna lie....I lose it within minutes. For one thing, she has the slowest computer and I don't do well with slow computers. Shit! I just went and bought myself a new laptop because of how old and slow mine was. The other thing is her "old school" mentality about technology and her fear, for lack of a better word, of fucking something up!!! I truly think that is what it is. She is scared to death she is going to do something wrong, delete something, send something to the wrong person! And the 3rd thing is...I sit there. I write down detailed step by step instructions during our hourS long tutoring sessions and weeks later she says, "well, I haven't done it because I don't know what to do." What?! Are you kidding me?
Today I went over to help her with some stuff on the computer. Sure enough my patience was gone within minutes dealing with the slow computer, the fact that there was the notebook of instructions that I had written down mooooonths ago, and how I would say something and she'd just sit there scared to death to hit enter. And to top it off, her BFF just created a facebook page for her,which throughout today's tutoring session she called "MY FACE". Get it? She's confusing myspace and facebook. Anyways, by the end of the two hours I was seriously a knot of stress. I had a headache pounding (we'll blame a little of that on the lack of caffiene entering my body). I seriously thought I'd blow. And I didn't want to. I was trying really hard. So we finally just started cracking up every time she'd say "my face." When my stress level was at it's highest she asked something about "myface" again and I just looked at her and laughing said," Listen here....I'm going to slap YOUR FACE if..." and we both just busted out laughing.
And even better was when I showed her how to add an album to her facebook page and the fact that it took hours (okay, maybe minutes, but still....minutes?!) to choose a name for the album. She'd look at me all concerned and say, "What should I name it? Gathering? Get together? Reunion?" She would seriously clear it and write something else. I just laid my head down on the desk and once again we'd start laughing. It was so funny!
But the best was when I was showing her that N had sent her a message, how to click on it, and how to reply. Well, this stupid ass security thing pops up. I was like, "WTF?" So she sent it that way and then I asked her to send another reply just to see if it would ask the security thing again. Mama said, "What should I say?" And knowing how slowly she types I said in a very dry, slightly annoyed pissed off tone (not really at her this time, but at the stupid facebook security thing...and with the whole past two hours still tied up in a stress knot in my chest), "Just type W-T-F!" And with the most innocent of voices she says, "What does that mean?" all the while about to type it when I answered in that same tone as before and
said, "WHAT THE FUCK!" She squealed, "Noooooooooo!" and we both lost it and just started laughing our asses off!
Needless to say....that was the end of today's tutoring session. And I SURE could have used a big ass margarita.
It amazes me that I can stand in a line for hours to get to the stage at a Kenny concert, yet you put me in a room with my Mama and a computer and I LOSE MY EFFING MIND! For some reason, trying to teach her computer skills puts me right over the edge of insanity! I really do go into it TRYING to be patient, but I ain't gonna lie....I lose it within minutes. For one thing, she has the slowest computer and I don't do well with slow computers. Shit! I just went and bought myself a new laptop because of how old and slow mine was. The other thing is her "old school" mentality about technology and her fear, for lack of a better word, of fucking something up!!! I truly think that is what it is. She is scared to death she is going to do something wrong, delete something, send something to the wrong person! And the 3rd thing is...I sit there. I write down detailed step by step instructions during our hourS long tutoring sessions and weeks later she says, "well, I haven't done it because I don't know what to do." What?! Are you kidding me?
Today I went over to help her with some stuff on the computer. Sure enough my patience was gone within minutes dealing with the slow computer, the fact that there was the notebook of instructions that I had written down mooooonths ago, and how I would say something and she'd just sit there scared to death to hit enter. And to top it off, her BFF just created a facebook page for her,which throughout today's tutoring session she called "MY FACE". Get it? She's confusing myspace and facebook. Anyways, by the end of the two hours I was seriously a knot of stress. I had a headache pounding (we'll blame a little of that on the lack of caffiene entering my body). I seriously thought I'd blow. And I didn't want to. I was trying really hard. So we finally just started cracking up every time she'd say "my face." When my stress level was at it's highest she asked something about "myface" again and I just looked at her and laughing said," Listen here....I'm going to slap YOUR FACE if..." and we both just busted out laughing.
And even better was when I showed her how to add an album to her facebook page and the fact that it took hours (okay, maybe minutes, but still....minutes?!) to choose a name for the album. She'd look at me all concerned and say, "What should I name it? Gathering? Get together? Reunion?" She would seriously clear it and write something else. I just laid my head down on the desk and once again we'd start laughing. It was so funny!
But the best was when I was showing her that N had sent her a message, how to click on it, and how to reply. Well, this stupid ass security thing pops up. I was like, "WTF?" So she sent it that way and then I asked her to send another reply just to see if it would ask the security thing again. Mama said, "What should I say?" And knowing how slowly she types I said in a very dry, slightly annoyed pissed off tone (not really at her this time, but at the stupid facebook security thing...and with the whole past two hours still tied up in a stress knot in my chest), "Just type W-T-F!" And with the most innocent of voices she says, "What does that mean?" all the while about to type it when I answered in that same tone as before and
said, "WHAT THE FUCK!" She squealed, "Noooooooooo!" and we both lost it and just started laughing our asses off!
Needless to say....that was the end of today's tutoring session. And I SURE could have used a big ass margarita.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Baby Girl Dream
I just woke up from my afternoon nap (I'm telling you...I HAVE to have it!) and had a very vivid dream about me with a little girl. A fat headed, bald headed, blue eyed little girl. Yeppers...she looked just like me! Come on strong Brantley/Wright genes!!!!
That's Baby Girl Dreams 3 vs Baby Boy Dreams 0.
(for anyone keeping score)
That's Baby Girl Dreams 3 vs Baby Boy Dreams 0.
(for anyone keeping score)
Saturday, July 10, 2010
The Girls Ain't Havin' None of THAT!
So tonight I got cut from work early (I was still exhausted, it was dead, and basically I sacrificed myself though I could have used any money I made). Once I got home I decided I had enough energy to go for a walk around the neighborhood. However, ten minutes into the walk it started to rain. So I decided to jog home instead of walk.
And if my boobs could have talked at that exact moment it would have gone something like this...
Mary Ann would have screamed...."what in the HELL do you THINK you're doing?" at the same moment Ginger would have yelled..."Oh no she DIDN'T?! OH NO SHE DIDN'T JUST TRY TO JOG!"
Ouch. Actually double ouch. Once I decided that I wasn't going to hold them and run the rest of the way (because believe me, I tried to do that without looking like I was a girl running down the road holding her boobs), I decided I'd rather walk in the rain. Ouch.
And if my boobs could have talked at that exact moment it would have gone something like this...
Mary Ann would have screamed...."what in the HELL do you THINK you're doing?" at the same moment Ginger would have yelled..."Oh no she DIDN'T?! OH NO SHE DIDN'T JUST TRY TO JOG!"
Ouch. Actually double ouch. Once I decided that I wasn't going to hold them and run the rest of the way (because believe me, I tried to do that without looking like I was a girl running down the road holding her boobs), I decided I'd rather walk in the rain. Ouch.
I'll take Exhausted for $500, Alex.
Tired. Exhausted. Pooped. That's me.
For 2 1/2 weeks now I take a daily nap around 2ish. Yesterday it was noon. I mean, I had gotten up a whole hour earlier than previous days!!!
Well, it was back to the part time job last night, and boy, was I lagging! Usually I'm a gung-ho cleaner at the end of the night. I felt horrible because J did almost all the cleaning. And today?! Wow....I've been getting up at around 8:30 every morning, hitting the gym, etc. Not THIS morning. I woke up around 9:30 and laid back down an hour later and am still tired.
I had these grand thoughts (okay HOPES) of keeping the part time job until I start showing. But I don't know how well that plan is going to work out. School starts back up in two weeks and the thought of being back at work full time and then still doing the part time...not looking too good if this morning is any indication!
And the thought of that sucks because I make such good money at the part time gig. I'm still hoping i can hang on to the job until the end of September. If I can just hang on two more months (depending on how soon I show cuz this be-oytch ain't waitressin' with my belly stickin' out! Don't want to...luckily, don't have to...)
So, the tired stuff is the only thing going on right now. KNOCK ON SOME EFFIN' WOOD! We'll see what next week brings. Oh boy!
For 2 1/2 weeks now I take a daily nap around 2ish. Yesterday it was noon. I mean, I had gotten up a whole hour earlier than previous days!!!
Well, it was back to the part time job last night, and boy, was I lagging! Usually I'm a gung-ho cleaner at the end of the night. I felt horrible because J did almost all the cleaning. And today?! Wow....I've been getting up at around 8:30 every morning, hitting the gym, etc. Not THIS morning. I woke up around 9:30 and laid back down an hour later and am still tired.
I had these grand thoughts (okay HOPES) of keeping the part time job until I start showing. But I don't know how well that plan is going to work out. School starts back up in two weeks and the thought of being back at work full time and then still doing the part time...not looking too good if this morning is any indication!
And the thought of that sucks because I make such good money at the part time gig. I'm still hoping i can hang on to the job until the end of September. If I can just hang on two more months (depending on how soon I show cuz this be-oytch ain't waitressin' with my belly stickin' out! Don't want to...luckily, don't have to...)
So, the tired stuff is the only thing going on right now. KNOCK ON SOME EFFIN' WOOD! We'll see what next week brings. Oh boy!
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Babycakes
Gotta have a nickname. Can't talk to this soon to be little person by saying "hey you". Last time I used "jellybean" which I still think is a cute little nickname. I just felt like I couldn't use the same one this go round. But what to use? I couldn't think of anything. Peanut? To common. Bean? I don't even like beans all that much, so why would I want to use that?!
Well, this morning I woke up and immediately the first thought I had was "babycakes!" And I couldn't kick it from my head. It just stayed there. That's actually a nickname I use for Charlie sometimes, and I think I have even used it for my niece and nephew.
So, Babycakes it is!
Well, this morning I woke up and immediately the first thought I had was "babycakes!" And I couldn't kick it from my head. It just stayed there. That's actually a nickname I use for Charlie sometimes, and I think I have even used it for my niece and nephew.
So, Babycakes it is!
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Vegas....SOBER.
Not a fan.
Don't get me wrong. I had fun. I'm not going to spend that much money and NOT have a good time. A fabulous dinner at N9NE. Two great Kenny Chesney concerts. An amazing Cirque du Soliel show. Some sight seeing. The best bed at the Hard Rock that I have EVER splept in during all the years of my traveling. And crazy antics at Club 1818 ( our room).
But there were no mimosas at breakfast. No mai tais by the pool. No martinis at dinner. And Vegas is just....well....a drinking vacation. Shit. What am I saying? Most vacations I go on are drinking vacations. Okay...ALL vacations I go on are drinking vacations. But the point of the story is that for me, Vegas is a major DRINKING DESTINATION. And I can do without it sober.
I still had to take my daily nap (did I mention the bed? Pure Marshmallow Heaven!) Thank goodnes my appetite has not been affected, so I could at least enjoy food. The smoke at the Hard Rock casino got to me. I could only hang so long in the casino. And one night we were at a club when the smoke just was too much and I looked over at M and mouthed, "I don't feel well. I gotta get out of here." I did have one glass of champagne on our last night (which was the 4th of July) at dinner. I nursed that thing like I have never done before and savored every tiny sip.
So here's to Vegas...you've been an exciting friend that has shown me some good times.... May our paths cross again one day. And when it does, I'll salute you...double fisted!
Don't get me wrong. I had fun. I'm not going to spend that much money and NOT have a good time. A fabulous dinner at N9NE. Two great Kenny Chesney concerts. An amazing Cirque du Soliel show. Some sight seeing. The best bed at the Hard Rock that I have EVER splept in during all the years of my traveling. And crazy antics at Club 1818 ( our room).
But there were no mimosas at breakfast. No mai tais by the pool. No martinis at dinner. And Vegas is just....well....a drinking vacation. Shit. What am I saying? Most vacations I go on are drinking vacations. Okay...ALL vacations I go on are drinking vacations. But the point of the story is that for me, Vegas is a major DRINKING DESTINATION. And I can do without it sober.
I still had to take my daily nap (did I mention the bed? Pure Marshmallow Heaven!) Thank goodnes my appetite has not been affected, so I could at least enjoy food. The smoke at the Hard Rock casino got to me. I could only hang so long in the casino. And one night we were at a club when the smoke just was too much and I looked over at M and mouthed, "I don't feel well. I gotta get out of here." I did have one glass of champagne on our last night (which was the 4th of July) at dinner. I nursed that thing like I have never done before and savored every tiny sip.
So here's to Vegas...you've been an exciting friend that has shown me some good times.... May our paths cross again one day. And when it does, I'll salute you...double fisted!
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Countdown to "Operation Act Like A Lush"
Tomorrow I am getting on a flight to Vegas. Viva Las Vegas. Sin City. Where you don't go to bed until 7 AM. Where it's customary (at least for me) to have champagne for breakfast. And at lunch. And at dinner if I feel like it. Martinis in the casino lounge. Mai Tais at the pool.
Uh.oh. I can't drink! Well, shit.
M knows that I'm pregnant and is prepared to participate in the subterfuge that is about to take place starting tomorrow. There are a few folks that are going to be in Vegas that I'm not ready to know yet so....OPERATION ACT LIKE A LUSH beings tomorrow!
I have come up with some different ideas.
1) THE SNEAKY LIE - Many of the people I know won't be there until the 2nd night, so I'm goign to proclaim, "OMG! I got sooooooo shitfaced last night that the THOUGHT of alcohol right now makes me want to hurl." (however, that is really only going to work that one time)
2) THE POUR OUT - Just buy a drink, pretending to drink on it, and take random bathroom breaks to pour it out. (but really....if I ain't drinkin' it, I sure don't want to buy it!)
3) THE FAKE - Sprite with a splash of grenadine. Voila! My pretend vodka drink.
4) LIKE A VIRGIN - at the pool or wherever....three words...VIRGIN.STRAWBERRY.DACQUIRI.
My parents (god love 'em) said, "why don't you just say you aren't in the mood to drink or that you are cutting back?"
Huh....wait.....hahaha...HUH?...I laugh in your face. Cuz ain't none of my buddies in Vegas gonna believe THAT shit!
So game plan is set....though I'm still trying to figure out how i'm going to explain the turning down the champagne thing. Sniffle. Sniffle.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Crocodile Tears
My dad gets what i refer to as his "crocodile tears". He tears up easily in his older age and his eyes water up threatening to spill over. Sometimes you want to hug him, sometimes you want to hit him because he's either being sincere or you've (ahem, I've) just told him basically that what he has done the past few years effin' sucks and he needs to go find his balls again (I personally think they are hidden in the pocket of his new wife's purse, but what do I know?!) Anyways, on to the story...
So today we went to lunch. A few months ago I had him look at my plan for my backporch. I want to turn it into sunroom/office in hopes of turning my now office into a baby's room. He priced it for me and everything, and I told him I'd let him know when I wanted to start. Today at lunch I brought it up again telling him that I needed to know where to start first - that I'd have to do a little each month. He told me and I replied, "okay. Well, I want to get started and I'm going to need it finished by March." He was like, "huh? why March?" I smiled and said, "i just need it done in 9 months."
He jumped up and hugged me and then sat down. And there they were. The Crocodile Tears. And not because I had just told him he was an idiot. Nope. These were sincere. It made me feel good.
I really shouldn't be so hard on him, huh?
So today we went to lunch. A few months ago I had him look at my plan for my backporch. I want to turn it into sunroom/office in hopes of turning my now office into a baby's room. He priced it for me and everything, and I told him I'd let him know when I wanted to start. Today at lunch I brought it up again telling him that I needed to know where to start first - that I'd have to do a little each month. He told me and I replied, "okay. Well, I want to get started and I'm going to need it finished by March." He was like, "huh? why March?" I smiled and said, "i just need it done in 9 months."
He jumped up and hugged me and then sat down. And there they were. The Crocodile Tears. And not because I had just told him he was an idiot. Nope. These were sincere. It made me feel good.
I really shouldn't be so hard on him, huh?
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Faint No More!
I waited until this morning to test again, and there is nuttin' faint about that line people!!! It looks like I'm pregnant! My due date (unofficial I guess since it's the internet telling me and not a doctor) is March 7th.
I am so excited. I've been in the best mood this weekend. The "WTF have I done" symptoms haven't sunk in (and they will....just gotta be honest here!), but I'm sure they will show up when the other symptoms join the party.
And can you believe I'm about to go to Vegas AND WON'T BE ABLE TO DRINK?!Holy pink panties, Batman! That will make for a very interesting trip for sure. However, I can think of two great things to come from this (other than the fact that I"m pregnant because that is the best thing, of course)...
1)I won't be on my period! Woohoo!Who wants to be on their period on vaction?! Not me!
and
2)Good Lawd, I'm going to save some money since I won't be buying tons of $10 drinks!
So, here's to a healthy and happy 9 months. And the only thing I ask of you, my friends that read my rambles, is prayers. I hope and pray that this time has a much happier ending than last time. Because I can't wait!
I am so excited. I've been in the best mood this weekend. The "WTF have I done" symptoms haven't sunk in (and they will....just gotta be honest here!), but I'm sure they will show up when the other symptoms join the party.
And can you believe I'm about to go to Vegas AND WON'T BE ABLE TO DRINK?!Holy pink panties, Batman! That will make for a very interesting trip for sure. However, I can think of two great things to come from this (other than the fact that I"m pregnant because that is the best thing, of course)...
1)I won't be on my period! Woohoo!Who wants to be on their period on vaction?! Not me!
and
2)Good Lawd, I'm going to save some money since I won't be buying tons of $10 drinks!
So, here's to a healthy and happy 9 months. And the only thing I ask of you, my friends that read my rambles, is prayers. I hope and pray that this time has a much happier ending than last time. Because I can't wait!
Friday, June 25, 2010
Cliffhanger!
Sorry...I find great fun in leaving people hanging. LOL when I tested yesterday I got a veeeeeeeeeeery faint line. Now, I've looked at enough negative tests to know when there is something there and when there is not. Well....THERE IS SOMETHING THERE! So I tested again this morning. Still faint. But still there. I will hold off now until Sunday, and hopefully, that pink line will be much darker then.
Big smiles here.
Big smiles here.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
I Wanted a Margarita
I'm going to meet Mama in a bit to eat dinner at the Mexican restaurant. I was sitting on the couch a bit ago and thought...
I want a magarita.
then the crazy thought, "I should take a test. If there is nothing there, I'm getting a margarita. If there is something there, I'm not getting a margarita."
Off to the store I went...back home, into the bathroom, do my business....
Well,after looking at the stick, it looks like I'm NOT getting that margarita after all.
I want a magarita.
then the crazy thought, "I should take a test. If there is nothing there, I'm getting a margarita. If there is something there, I'm not getting a margarita."
Off to the store I went...back home, into the bathroom, do my business....
Well,after looking at the stick, it looks like I'm NOT getting that margarita after all.
Mama's Funny
So, Mama and I really don't talk about this whole baby process. Oh sure, she was totally on board when I got that positive last time. But we don't have long drawn out conversations about what I'm doing. Sometimes I wonder if she even remembers that I'm doing it at all! So I was surprised the other day when I was over helping her clean up Mema's house. I was getting ready to leave and she said, "You need to be careful." I was like, "why?" She said, "Because of those sperm in you, you need to be careful with all that crazy excercising!" this made me crack up. She might have even said "spermies" but I forget now. (and I don't excercise crazy! Maybe an hour 5 times a week now that I"m out for summer vacation!)
Anyways, as I'm still laughing about that she says she's got something to get out of the car for me. She hands me a basket that she took from my house and a book. Ready for the title? - "Balancing Pregnancy and Work" Too funny!
I guess she does have the whole thing on her mind!
Anyways, as I'm still laughing about that she says she's got something to get out of the car for me. She hands me a basket that she took from my house and a book. Ready for the title? - "Balancing Pregnancy and Work" Too funny!
I guess she does have the whole thing on her mind!
Monday, June 21, 2010
1WW and Douche Bags!
So, nothing new to report here. No symptoms that I can't contribute to something else. I did feel a little "funny" last night for a brief period. I was at work and this weird feeling just came over me, but I blamed how dead it was and that THAT was what was making me feel...blah, for lack of a better word. So one week...one week til I either get a pink line or a pink pantyliner (too much information for you? Oops. Sorry. haha)
Funny little story though. 3 Douche bags walked out on their tab last weekend at work to the tune of $75 out of my pocket. I was irate.YOU DO NOT MESS WITH MY EFFIN' MONEY. Well, luck was on my side and I was able to get one of their phone numbers and find two of them on facebook. I called the one guy 3 days in a row and messaged two of them on facebook. No response! I warned them I'd let the owners handle it when they returned from vacation. The third night I called them I was in a funny mood. Some people were sitting at the bar I knew and I grabbed two other waitresses to listen in on my conversation. I called and left a message (making my voice crack and sound pitiful) saying, "I work a full time job. This is my part time job that I work 20-25 hours a week. I am PREGNANT and am going to be a single mother! I need my money!!!" i hung up the phone and one of the guys who knows me said, "SHELBY! ARE YOU PREGNANT?!" I was like, "hell no!!!"....
....at least that I know of...but he doesn't need to know that, now does he?!! haha
(and if you are wondering about the douche bags and my money...we looked on the video tape and had them jumping over the back fence, the owner called and threatened them with an arrest warrant, they FINALLy responded, and I got my money back PLUS a $50 tip. Jeez...I have no tolerance for 23 year old douche bags!)
Funny little story though. 3 Douche bags walked out on their tab last weekend at work to the tune of $75 out of my pocket. I was irate.YOU DO NOT MESS WITH MY EFFIN' MONEY. Well, luck was on my side and I was able to get one of their phone numbers and find two of them on facebook. I called the one guy 3 days in a row and messaged two of them on facebook. No response! I warned them I'd let the owners handle it when they returned from vacation. The third night I called them I was in a funny mood. Some people were sitting at the bar I knew and I grabbed two other waitresses to listen in on my conversation. I called and left a message (making my voice crack and sound pitiful) saying, "I work a full time job. This is my part time job that I work 20-25 hours a week. I am PREGNANT and am going to be a single mother! I need my money!!!" i hung up the phone and one of the guys who knows me said, "SHELBY! ARE YOU PREGNANT?!" I was like, "hell no!!!"....
....at least that I know of...but he doesn't need to know that, now does he?!! haha
(and if you are wondering about the douche bags and my money...we looked on the video tape and had them jumping over the back fence, the owner called and threatened them with an arrest warrant, they FINALLy responded, and I got my money back PLUS a $50 tip. Jeez...I have no tolerance for 23 year old douche bags!)
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Take Two (or is it Take 5?)
And we're off....Just came back from the doctor. The deed has been done.
I always wonder what other people in my situation do after the doctor leaves the room. After the doctor leaves you lay there for about 20 - 30 minutes. They even ask you if you want the lights on or off. To set the mood, maybe? I know women with their husbands probably sit there and talk. When J went with me that time, there I was with my knees in the air, she was in the corner chair, and we chatted. I assume a husband and wife would do that too. But the single gals like me? What do they do?
I can tell you what I did this time. I did not have the lights off (mainly because I had my book with me. I'm all about my summer reading!)So I stuck my earphones in and turned on my Ipod. I purposely picked one song to listen to this time. I played "Baby Mine" by Bette Midler and prayed. I prayed it would work. No matter how many scared and freaked out thoughts I have when it does work. And I will. Because I have freaked out everytime I've done this and especially the time it did work. I mean, who isn't scared in this process no matter what route they go? So i prayed throughout the whole song.That this time would be the time. Then I clicked on my "Low Key Music" playlist and started reading. (A Soft Place to Land by Susan Rebecca White justin case anyone cares). And I read until C, the nurse, came and said that was that.
And...that was that. Now I wait. It's so crazy how obsessive you become during this wait period. You try not to be. But it just can't be helped. I'll try not to think about it...put my mind on other things....finally clean my office room....scrapbook last summer's fabulous pictures into an album....blah, blah, blah...mainly try not waste countless minutes and hours googling every little thing about feritilzation, ovulation, and implantation!!!
Only two weeks time will tell.
I always wonder what other people in my situation do after the doctor leaves the room. After the doctor leaves you lay there for about 20 - 30 minutes. They even ask you if you want the lights on or off. To set the mood, maybe? I know women with their husbands probably sit there and talk. When J went with me that time, there I was with my knees in the air, she was in the corner chair, and we chatted. I assume a husband and wife would do that too. But the single gals like me? What do they do?
I can tell you what I did this time. I did not have the lights off (mainly because I had my book with me. I'm all about my summer reading!)So I stuck my earphones in and turned on my Ipod. I purposely picked one song to listen to this time. I played "Baby Mine" by Bette Midler and prayed. I prayed it would work. No matter how many scared and freaked out thoughts I have when it does work. And I will. Because I have freaked out everytime I've done this and especially the time it did work. I mean, who isn't scared in this process no matter what route they go? So i prayed throughout the whole song.That this time would be the time. Then I clicked on my "Low Key Music" playlist and started reading. (A Soft Place to Land by Susan Rebecca White justin case anyone cares). And I read until C, the nurse, came and said that was that.
And...that was that. Now I wait. It's so crazy how obsessive you become during this wait period. You try not to be. But it just can't be helped. I'll try not to think about it...put my mind on other things....finally clean my office room....scrapbook last summer's fabulous pictures into an album....blah, blah, blah...mainly try not waste countless minutes and hours googling every little thing about feritilzation, ovulation, and implantation!!!
Only two weeks time will tell.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
And...here we go again.
Well, my first back into trying did not work this time. I started my period, packed my bags and headed to Key West. I would have headed to KW regardless (would have been a totally different trip, but would have done it.)
I was thinking since I was out of town, and the doctor's office likes to see me the first two days of my period that this month would be out. But I was wrong. They told me to come in when I got back. I went in this morning and started all over.
However, here's an interesting tidbit. Remember when I won the money on the scratch off lottery ticket at the beginning of the year? I had found the new donor I liked that was the....gasp....brunette with hazel/green eyes???LOL Well!!! when I tried last month he was my first choice and wasn't available, so I went with blond haired blue eyed choice #2. Guess what? My first choice was available this time and gotta love that the lady on the phone said, "My...he's a popular one!" That just made me laugh when she said it.
I go in again on Thursday and we'll see where it goes from there.
I was thinking since I was out of town, and the doctor's office likes to see me the first two days of my period that this month would be out. But I was wrong. They told me to come in when I got back. I went in this morning and started all over.
However, here's an interesting tidbit. Remember when I won the money on the scratch off lottery ticket at the beginning of the year? I had found the new donor I liked that was the....gasp....brunette with hazel/green eyes???LOL Well!!! when I tried last month he was my first choice and wasn't available, so I went with blond haired blue eyed choice #2. Guess what? My first choice was available this time and gotta love that the lady on the phone said, "My...he's a popular one!" That just made me laugh when she said it.
I go in again on Thursday and we'll see where it goes from there.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Dreams of Pink
So, once again, I dreamed of baby girls last night. Now in this dream it wasn't my baby girl, but my Key West crush's. (who is MORE than welcome to turn up in my dreams nightly, by the way!) However, he wasn't doing such a great job and I took over and took care of her. He was more than appreciative. And in the dream she kinda became mine too.
Now...the question is....Can't I have both?! Hottie C AND the baby girl. I DON'T think it's asking too much. ;)
Now...the question is....Can't I have both?! Hottie C AND the baby girl. I DON'T think it's asking too much. ;)
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Things that make you go...hmmmm.....
Okay. So here I am waiting. waiting. waiting. Doing nothing to get my hopes up though that's hard not to do. I was looking online last night and something definitely popped up that put a teeny tiny little smile on my face and made me go hmmmmm....
Meet Lanie...American Girl's "Girl of the Year 2010" doll...
How funny is that!? Now some of you might not find the humor or are scratching your heads. But Lanie is MY girl name. And the doll lover in me about freaked when I saw that the very first doll in this series, and who is only available in this year where I am going down the baby road, is a cute little, blue eyed blond named LANIE!
And even better...one of her key accessories...IS A HAMMOCK! A doll after my own heart!
Not trying to get my hopes up at the little things that seem like some kind of cosmic sign, but it's just the little things that make me go...hmmmm...
Meet Lanie...American Girl's "Girl of the Year 2010" doll...
How funny is that!? Now some of you might not find the humor or are scratching your heads. But Lanie is MY girl name. And the doll lover in me about freaked when I saw that the very first doll in this series, and who is only available in this year where I am going down the baby road, is a cute little, blue eyed blond named LANIE!
And even better...one of her key accessories...IS A HAMMOCK! A doll after my own heart!
Not trying to get my hopes up at the little things that seem like some kind of cosmic sign, but it's just the little things that make me go...hmmmm...
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Baby Daddies and Random Playas!
So today was the day. Baby Daddy, activate! The process has begun again, and in two weeks from now we will know if my life is headed down a new road. 5/15. I remember thinking as I drove home, "well, this is a really nice day to get pregnant!" I got home from work last night and in bed around 1 am. Got up at 7 to head to Macon, crossing my fingers they wouldn't tell me to come back tomorrowk. Drove straight to work again at 10 when I was done. And am now home from work.... just waiting. And while waiting I think I'll go see Tim McGraw and Lady A in concert tonight. Might as well enjoy myself while I wait. hee!
But my thoughts turned from unknown baby daddy to known playa when i got in my car to come home from work. There on my text message was a random text from a guy that I met in Key West last summer. I actually met him the first week I was there and actually liked him. ACTUALLY LIKED HIM. Wanted to get to know him. Wanted him to actually CALL me. (for those that know me know what a big effing deal this was/is! HA!)and he turned out to only be, you guessed it, Mr. Playa. I was warned about him from mutual friends. To my dismay nothing came of it, and I enjoyed the rest of my summer. Move along, I say. But occasionally, in the past year, I'll recieve some random out of the blue text from him. Today was one of those days. How weird that I get one the day I do the deed!
I swear to God...if I end up being some real life version of "the Backup Plan" I'm selling my freakin' story to People magazine! ;)
But my thoughts turned from unknown baby daddy to known playa when i got in my car to come home from work. There on my text message was a random text from a guy that I met in Key West last summer. I actually met him the first week I was there and actually liked him. ACTUALLY LIKED HIM. Wanted to get to know him. Wanted him to actually CALL me. (for those that know me know what a big effing deal this was/is! HA!)and he turned out to only be, you guessed it, Mr. Playa. I was warned about him from mutual friends. To my dismay nothing came of it, and I enjoyed the rest of my summer. Move along, I say. But occasionally, in the past year, I'll recieve some random out of the blue text from him. Today was one of those days. How weird that I get one the day I do the deed!
I swear to God...if I end up being some real life version of "the Backup Plan" I'm selling my freakin' story to People magazine! ;)
Friday, May 14, 2010
Here I Am Again!
I know...I've been missing. Just been busy. But here I am ready to start the baby stuff all over again. I actually started it over a few months ago. Back to the doctor, starting all over since it had been several months, a new polyp to removed, wait two months and VOILA! It's go time. I actually just got back from having an ultrasound this morning and was asked to come back tomorrow. So tomorrow may be the day, but if not, DEFINITELY Sunday. I feel good about this month. Little signs here and there. I'll share those later...trying not to jinx myself!
So....me. The last few months I have been working, working, workikng my ass off. I am still at the part time job (though starting to get burned out on that) trying to pay down the credit cards. I am making headway. No plans to live in KW this summer, but you NEVER know. Guess we'll see what happens this month. Though I will be going to visit - pregnant or not! But in regards to the part time job... I will NOT be keeping the job for too long should I become pregnant. I have no desire to have a belly and be waitressing. so I feel my days there are limited. I will truly miss the money. TRULY. But I will love having my weekends BACK! Since October I have basically worked Friday/Saturday/Sunday nights with the exception of 2 weekends that I took copmletely off and two weekends where I took one night off. Can I say burnt out again?!...BURNT OUT.
I have had 2 baby related dreams. To this day I believe that the pregnancy I lost was a boy. However, something tells me this time it could just be a girl should I get pregnant. In one dream, I was with a friend and we both picked up a baby. Mine was the pink bundle and hers the blue, and in the dream it was clear that this was MY baby - not me just holding my friend's. In another (more recent) one, I had two girls with me. So, I found those very interesting.
So here I sit...wishing tomorrow would get here already. I like the idea of a February Valentine's Baby coming into my life. We'll see. We'll see.
So....me. The last few months I have been working, working, workikng my ass off. I am still at the part time job (though starting to get burned out on that) trying to pay down the credit cards. I am making headway. No plans to live in KW this summer, but you NEVER know. Guess we'll see what happens this month. Though I will be going to visit - pregnant or not! But in regards to the part time job... I will NOT be keeping the job for too long should I become pregnant. I have no desire to have a belly and be waitressing. so I feel my days there are limited. I will truly miss the money. TRULY. But I will love having my weekends BACK! Since October I have basically worked Friday/Saturday/Sunday nights with the exception of 2 weekends that I took copmletely off and two weekends where I took one night off. Can I say burnt out again?!...BURNT OUT.
I have had 2 baby related dreams. To this day I believe that the pregnancy I lost was a boy. However, something tells me this time it could just be a girl should I get pregnant. In one dream, I was with a friend and we both picked up a baby. Mine was the pink bundle and hers the blue, and in the dream it was clear that this was MY baby - not me just holding my friend's. In another (more recent) one, I had two girls with me. So, I found those very interesting.
So here I sit...wishing tomorrow would get here already. I like the idea of a February Valentine's Baby coming into my life. We'll see. We'll see.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Hot Damn Atlanta Falcons!
I'm back!
First of all Happy 2010. Before I blow your mind with what this post is all about let me fill you in on the last few months in as few words as possible. I lived in Key West...for 54 days. (Screw 34...what was I thinking?!) I cried when I thought about leaving. I cried when I left. I went back down for my first ever Fantasy Fest,and had the time of my life. I HAD FIVE COSTUMES PEOPLE! Y'all know how I love Halloween. It was a Halloween orgasm! I'm still working the part time job. I worked New Year's Eve which meant I stayed in WR. (only the 2nd time that has happened since 1998). It seems I became a cougar upon returning home (and not a bit ashamed of it. I quite enjoy it actually.) I also had/have a crush on someone I have known for a few years,who I have met up with twice in the past two months (he's in another state) only to find out on the 18th he's having a vasectomy. Lovely.I have a very fun filled life and could keep going on just like this forever. And here I am welcoming another year with so many blessings, so many wonderful things...yet still wanting one thing more than anything. Yeppers...to be a mama.
So get this. Once again the topic has weighed heavily on my mind. I started the donor search again. Found one of the ones that I had liked before and stumbled upon a new one that has made me change my mind about the blond haired, blued eyed thing. This guy pretty much describes himself in a way that sounds...well....like me with a penis!!! (of course, he could be completely lying, but I have to take that chance!) So brunette, hazel/green eyes it is! I realized though after a few months of getting my cards paid down that I really didn't know if I wanted to put my babydaddy on the visa card. Yes, I know that sounds crass. let's all get over it and move on. ha! So I had decided (with a heavy heart) that the plan to start again might just need to wait until next month. So be it.
Then tonight I was watching a travel show on Vegas, and I don't know, but I guess I got the gambling bug. And where can you gamble in Middle Georgia and take your chances on winning big? Why...scratch off lottery tickets!!! So I talked to God. yes, get over it, I spoke to God about gambling and sperm donors. Again...let's all move on. I said to God, "You know. I want to take $50 and play the lottery. If you want me to win then will you let me win just what I need, so I dont have to use my card. If I lose, I lose, and it just wasn't meant to be." or something like that. But that's pretty close to how my side of the convo went. So off to the store with $50 of my tip money in hand. I bought 10 $5 Falcons scratch off tickets and headed straight home.
And I kid you not....the first ticket I scratched off....$500!!! The 8th ticket...$10!!! Let me make this clear...$510. EXACTLY what I needed for my babydaddy! So, yes, I plan on using my lottery winnings to make the purchase. So, I will call the nurse tomorrow to figure out if indeed we can start the process all over this month. She may end up telling me that we do indeed have to wait until next month, but my money is on this month! We'll see if lady luck holds true for me again.
First of all Happy 2010. Before I blow your mind with what this post is all about let me fill you in on the last few months in as few words as possible. I lived in Key West...for 54 days. (Screw 34...what was I thinking?!) I cried when I thought about leaving. I cried when I left. I went back down for my first ever Fantasy Fest,and had the time of my life. I HAD FIVE COSTUMES PEOPLE! Y'all know how I love Halloween. It was a Halloween orgasm! I'm still working the part time job. I worked New Year's Eve which meant I stayed in WR. (only the 2nd time that has happened since 1998). It seems I became a cougar upon returning home (and not a bit ashamed of it. I quite enjoy it actually.) I also had/have a crush on someone I have known for a few years,who I have met up with twice in the past two months (he's in another state) only to find out on the 18th he's having a vasectomy. Lovely.I have a very fun filled life and could keep going on just like this forever. And here I am welcoming another year with so many blessings, so many wonderful things...yet still wanting one thing more than anything. Yeppers...to be a mama.
So get this. Once again the topic has weighed heavily on my mind. I started the donor search again. Found one of the ones that I had liked before and stumbled upon a new one that has made me change my mind about the blond haired, blued eyed thing. This guy pretty much describes himself in a way that sounds...well....like me with a penis!!! (of course, he could be completely lying, but I have to take that chance!) So brunette, hazel/green eyes it is! I realized though after a few months of getting my cards paid down that I really didn't know if I wanted to put my babydaddy on the visa card. Yes, I know that sounds crass. let's all get over it and move on. ha! So I had decided (with a heavy heart) that the plan to start again might just need to wait until next month. So be it.
Then tonight I was watching a travel show on Vegas, and I don't know, but I guess I got the gambling bug. And where can you gamble in Middle Georgia and take your chances on winning big? Why...scratch off lottery tickets!!! So I talked to God. yes, get over it, I spoke to God about gambling and sperm donors. Again...let's all move on. I said to God, "You know. I want to take $50 and play the lottery. If you want me to win then will you let me win just what I need, so I dont have to use my card. If I lose, I lose, and it just wasn't meant to be." or something like that. But that's pretty close to how my side of the convo went. So off to the store with $50 of my tip money in hand. I bought 10 $5 Falcons scratch off tickets and headed straight home.
And I kid you not....the first ticket I scratched off....$500!!! The 8th ticket...$10!!! Let me make this clear...$510. EXACTLY what I needed for my babydaddy! So, yes, I plan on using my lottery winnings to make the purchase. So, I will call the nurse tomorrow to figure out if indeed we can start the process all over this month. She may end up telling me that we do indeed have to wait until next month, but my money is on this month! We'll see if lady luck holds true for me again.
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