Not much happenin' in my world. My trigger shot arrived and is safely waiting in the frig for the doctor to give me the go ahead. I actually had it sent to school but not before asking the girl on the phone, "The box isn't going to be stamped all over with FERTILITY in big bold letters is it?!" She assured me it wasn't. Only a few people at work are even aware of my plans, so I had to make sure the box was coming incognito.
Gotta love Tonya...she has graciously stepped up to the plate to give me the shot if I find myself unable to jab my own belly with a needle(TOTAL possibility!). However, she grimaced the whole time she was saying it! haha But she is willing to help me in this process if I can get a future girlfriend for Charlie out of it.
Which Melissa might have some concerns with that since she is hoping I will produce a future girlfriend for Brooks. Yep! She's having a boy. (See...1/2 of my "baby stash" will be gone in a few months! AND I GOT IT ALL ON SALE! Woohoo!)
At dinner with Daddy a few nights ago I told him that if it doesn't work this time I guess I'm going to just have to get one of my single guy friends drunk next go round and take total advantage of him - to save money, of course. It gave us both a chuckle since I was totally kiddin'.
Well, maybe kiddin'. ;)
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Coochie Cam Time
So...3rd time is the charm, right? At least I hope that holds true for me. I am going for try three and should it not work, I may just have to take a break for a month or two to recoup the "baby finances." I just ask that everyone keep me in their prayers that it works this time. Y'all...I want it to work this time. I'm 35 1/2 years old. I don't have time to "take a break". I want this. I wish everyone could see inside my head and heart and know just how badly.
I called the doctor's office and it seems we are going to try a different approach. instead of using the ovulation kits (where you pee on the sticks) the doctor is going to detect upcoming ovulation with the vaginal ultrasound (aka - coochie cam! hey! hey!) I went in today so they could get the lay of the land (aka - cooochie! Hey! Hey!) and then I will go back next week to check the size of my follicles to make sure they are getting to the correct size. Then I'm going to use some "trigger shot" to jumpstart ovulation. What I gather is that it all has to do with timing and me giving myself a shot! (AKA - a needle in the stomach! hey! he...WTF?!)
I'm a little freaked out about that people! Okay....REALLY freaked out about that. Give myself a shot?! Are you serious?! I can barely stand other people giving me a shot!!! I mean the last time I dealt with someone sticking me with a needle, I came out of being under sedation with the nurse asking me if I was still going to beat her up. (It seems that in my medicated haze I told other nurses I was going to kick her ass for hurting me with the IV. Oops. I didn't mean it. I wouldn't REALLY kick her ass. Really.)
So for the past few days I have been dealing with hella bad cramps, seasonal allergies that are kicking my ass, snakes in my classroom (and I ain't talking about sneaky children - I'm talking about a real effing snake that was just crawling along the wall in my classroom a mere half a foot away from where my students and I sat - and if you could hear my voice as you read that you'd hear a high pitched squeal because I am STILL freaked out and crawling with the heebie jeebies from THAT little episode!) and now I have self medication - with needles no less! - to add to everything.
Faaaabulous. Just Faaaabulous.
I called the doctor's office and it seems we are going to try a different approach. instead of using the ovulation kits (where you pee on the sticks) the doctor is going to detect upcoming ovulation with the vaginal ultrasound (aka - coochie cam! hey! hey!) I went in today so they could get the lay of the land (aka - cooochie! Hey! Hey!) and then I will go back next week to check the size of my follicles to make sure they are getting to the correct size. Then I'm going to use some "trigger shot" to jumpstart ovulation. What I gather is that it all has to do with timing and me giving myself a shot! (AKA - a needle in the stomach! hey! he...WTF?!)
I'm a little freaked out about that people! Okay....REALLY freaked out about that. Give myself a shot?! Are you serious?! I can barely stand other people giving me a shot!!! I mean the last time I dealt with someone sticking me with a needle, I came out of being under sedation with the nurse asking me if I was still going to beat her up. (It seems that in my medicated haze I told other nurses I was going to kick her ass for hurting me with the IV. Oops. I didn't mean it. I wouldn't REALLY kick her ass. Really.)
So for the past few days I have been dealing with hella bad cramps, seasonal allergies that are kicking my ass, snakes in my classroom (and I ain't talking about sneaky children - I'm talking about a real effing snake that was just crawling along the wall in my classroom a mere half a foot away from where my students and I sat - and if you could hear my voice as you read that you'd hear a high pitched squeal because I am STILL freaked out and crawling with the heebie jeebies from THAT little episode!) and now I have self medication - with needles no less! - to add to everything.
Faaaabulous. Just Faaaabulous.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
I Don't Even Have a Bottle of Wine, Damn It!!!
And we have cramps.
Spot Watch '08 - Take #2 has officially come to an end.
It's sad. It's frustrating. It's disappointing. It pisses me off. It makes me want to cry. It makes me want to get in my car and go to Key West. (wait...that's nothing new...I ALWAYS want to get in my car and go to Key West) It makes me want to stamp my foot like a two year old throwing a tantrum shouting, "IT'S NOT FAIR! IT'S NOT FAIR! IT'S NOT FAIR!" It makes me want to...fuckin' scream!
But what do I get all wrapped up in one neat little package on the same day - cramps and seasonal allergies.
Lovely. Juuuuust F-IN Lovely.
Spot Watch '08 - Take #2 has officially come to an end.
It's sad. It's frustrating. It's disappointing. It pisses me off. It makes me want to cry. It makes me want to get in my car and go to Key West. (wait...that's nothing new...I ALWAYS want to get in my car and go to Key West) It makes me want to stamp my foot like a two year old throwing a tantrum shouting, "IT'S NOT FAIR! IT'S NOT FAIR! IT'S NOT FAIR!" It makes me want to...fuckin' scream!
But what do I get all wrapped up in one neat little package on the same day - cramps and seasonal allergies.
Lovely. Juuuuust F-IN Lovely.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
It Was the Candy Corn
I caved.
So I totally hit up the CVS. I'd like to say I was craving candy corn, but really I didn't see the Halloween candy aisle until I was on my way to the "family planning" aisle. But I think somewhere deep down my body WANTED the candy corn and couldn't get that thought to my head with the right words. All it could get to my head were the words "pee" and "stick" not "candy" and "corn". My head went with that, and there I was at the CVS.
Seriously. I totally had no control over the process. Obviously, I wanted candy corn and just didn't realize it. I mean, I love candy corn. Yep. Had to be it.
Damn it. I'm so weak.
So I totally hit up the CVS. I'd like to say I was craving candy corn, but really I didn't see the Halloween candy aisle until I was on my way to the "family planning" aisle. But I think somewhere deep down my body WANTED the candy corn and couldn't get that thought to my head with the right words. All it could get to my head were the words "pee" and "stick" not "candy" and "corn". My head went with that, and there I was at the CVS.
Seriously. I totally had no control over the process. Obviously, I wanted candy corn and just didn't realize it. I mean, I love candy corn. Yep. Had to be it.
Damn it. I'm so weak.
Pee Sticks....Possibly Crack Rock?!
I've never done crack.
Mama is probably breathing a sigh of relief on that one considering she knows I ain't no angel!
But damn the pull of the pee stick! The allure. The magnetism. The... tempation.
It's gotta be the same feeling a crack addict gets, dontcha think?
But I didn't give in. OH NO! Not me. Not this time. I am not wasting my hard earned money on a little piss stick just to get a BFN. Even if it comes from the dollar tree. Nope. Not going to do it.
I can hold out til Sunday. I think.
Mama is probably breathing a sigh of relief on that one considering she knows I ain't no angel!
But damn the pull of the pee stick! The allure. The magnetism. The... tempation.
It's gotta be the same feeling a crack addict gets, dontcha think?
But I didn't give in. OH NO! Not me. Not this time. I am not wasting my hard earned money on a little piss stick just to get a BFN. Even if it comes from the dollar tree. Nope. Not going to do it.
I can hold out til Sunday. I think.
Monday, September 15, 2008
I Drank Beer...okay beerS... So Sue Me!
After my last trip to Raleigh where I (gasp) drank water, many a person said to me, "You know, Shelby, it would have been okay if you drank. I had a shitfaced night before I found out I was actually pregnant."
So with that in mind, I headed out on my last big trip of the year. It was time to wrap up the Poets and Pirates Tour in Indy. I arrived at the Atlanta airport around 1:30 pm.
And I had a yummy margarita at the Chilis on concourse A.
Then we found out we weren't making our first flight (we were flying on buddy passes) and probably wouldn't make the next one either.
And I had a beer at the sports bar on Concourse B.
After 8 hours in the Atlanta airport, only to end up driving another 8 hours because we weren't getting on a plane to Indy or any other city in the surrounding area for that matter, I was due a drink...
Or ten.
We finally reached our destination, and the only reason i could come up with for Big J not answering my prayers for getting on a flight was this - this past weekend might have been when (hopefully) my "implantation" was occurring and maybe science doesn't know (but God does) that high altitudes and cabin pressure could affect that. What can I say? There has to be a reason that God didn't want us on that flight. And seeing as no airplane crashes were reported that's all I can come up with for putting us First Class in Transportation Hell for 16 hours!!!
Saturday brought one margarita, several Coronas and a damn, DAMN, giggly, googly, smiley, good time. Sigh. I wince a little, but a few beers at a concert in what would only be the 3rd week of pregnancy is not going to be my downfall. (as several of my friends with healthy happy children can attest to) What is meant to be is meant to be, and a few coronas aren't going to put a damper on it.
So now I wait. I have no pregnancy tests in my house that I can pee on too early. I don't plan on buying any until Saturday. I will start testing on Sunday. Not feeling a thing. Don't won't to put any negative vibes out there...just not feeling anything. Hoping beyond hope that this time did indeed work.
Can you imagine? February rolling around and me buying car seats and boppies instead of Kenny Chesney Concert tickets?
It's a thought that puts a big 'ole smile on my face.
So with that in mind, I headed out on my last big trip of the year. It was time to wrap up the Poets and Pirates Tour in Indy. I arrived at the Atlanta airport around 1:30 pm.
And I had a yummy margarita at the Chilis on concourse A.
Then we found out we weren't making our first flight (we were flying on buddy passes) and probably wouldn't make the next one either.
And I had a beer at the sports bar on Concourse B.
After 8 hours in the Atlanta airport, only to end up driving another 8 hours because we weren't getting on a plane to Indy or any other city in the surrounding area for that matter, I was due a drink...
Or ten.
We finally reached our destination, and the only reason i could come up with for Big J not answering my prayers for getting on a flight was this - this past weekend might have been when (hopefully) my "implantation" was occurring and maybe science doesn't know (but God does) that high altitudes and cabin pressure could affect that. What can I say? There has to be a reason that God didn't want us on that flight. And seeing as no airplane crashes were reported that's all I can come up with for putting us First Class in Transportation Hell for 16 hours!!!
Saturday brought one margarita, several Coronas and a damn, DAMN, giggly, googly, smiley, good time. Sigh. I wince a little, but a few beers at a concert in what would only be the 3rd week of pregnancy is not going to be my downfall. (as several of my friends with healthy happy children can attest to) What is meant to be is meant to be, and a few coronas aren't going to put a damper on it.
So now I wait. I have no pregnancy tests in my house that I can pee on too early. I don't plan on buying any until Saturday. I will start testing on Sunday. Not feeling a thing. Don't won't to put any negative vibes out there...just not feeling anything. Hoping beyond hope that this time did indeed work.
Can you imagine? February rolling around and me buying car seats and boppies instead of Kenny Chesney Concert tickets?
It's a thought that puts a big 'ole smile on my face.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Sunday Morning Irritation
With it being the Lord's Day and all, I feel compelled not to drop any F-Bombs this morning. But I'm irritated....BIG TIME. And you, my dear friends, do know I have a trash mouth. So the rest of this basically has F-Bombs peppered throughtout....in my head. Very loud in my head.
Do y'all want to know why I'm single? WELL! I've recently found out.
1)I'm picky....
(did you insert the F-bomb before the word picky? Great! then you'll know where to insert them throughout the rest of this. BAsically every sentence from here on out!) Oh, and this one has come from many a person I've known over the years. It's my favorite. (ahem....definitely needed to think "F-Bomb" there before the word "favorite".) I'm picky. Yeah. that's it. Totally. (insert a big fat eye roll by the way)
2)I travel too much...
Love this one. Because I won't stay put a one or two weekends a month *I* haven't found a boyfriend in 12 years. Yeah...THAT makes a lot of sense.
3)I"m having too much fun...
SERIOUSLY!!! How come I didn't know this?! OMG! I would have stopped having fun SOOOOO long ago. (while you are inserting F-Bombs are you also inserting sarcasm...becuase the stuff should be oozing out of your computer screen at this point.)
4) I'm too wild. Men are intimidated by me.
Please....if a man is intimidated by me he's nothing but a.....wait....Lord's day....counting to ten in my head....he's nothing but a "kitty cat"....a big ole kitty cat! (And if you can't insert the correct word in place of kitty cat I am trying to figure out how in the hell you got the link to this blog.)
Wow...there are others I've heard, but the ones above are my (ahem) FAVORITES!
You know what I think....I think some people need to get their head out of 1950's ass and take a good look at 2008!!!!
Do y'all want to know why I'm single? WELL! I've recently found out.
1)I'm picky....
(did you insert the F-bomb before the word picky? Great! then you'll know where to insert them throughout the rest of this. BAsically every sentence from here on out!) Oh, and this one has come from many a person I've known over the years. It's my favorite. (ahem....definitely needed to think "F-Bomb" there before the word "favorite".) I'm picky. Yeah. that's it. Totally. (insert a big fat eye roll by the way)
2)I travel too much...
Love this one. Because I won't stay put a one or two weekends a month *I* haven't found a boyfriend in 12 years. Yeah...THAT makes a lot of sense.
3)I"m having too much fun...
SERIOUSLY!!! How come I didn't know this?! OMG! I would have stopped having fun SOOOOO long ago. (while you are inserting F-Bombs are you also inserting sarcasm...becuase the stuff should be oozing out of your computer screen at this point.)
4) I'm too wild. Men are intimidated by me.
Please....if a man is intimidated by me he's nothing but a.....wait....Lord's day....counting to ten in my head....he's nothing but a "kitty cat"....a big ole kitty cat! (And if you can't insert the correct word in place of kitty cat I am trying to figure out how in the hell you got the link to this blog.)
Wow...there are others I've heard, but the ones above are my (ahem) FAVORITES!
You know what I think....I think some people need to get their head out of 1950's ass and take a good look at 2008!!!!
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Welcome to Club Vagina!!!!
(Please go back and reread the title but with the "Let's Get Ready to Rumble" announcer voice. TOTALLY the way I'm thinking it in my head. HA)
So it's the weekend and wouldn't you know that last night around 7pm I got the "ovulation okay" from the little testy thingy. Of course, it would happen after the office is closed. I called and got all the after hour numbers. Let me state first and foremost that I have never in my life paged or had to beep someone. So I was completely confused when all I got was a beep and couldn't leave a message. Did I do it right?! I waited. Then I went to plan B and paged the doctor. I waited. No word back. There was a 3rd option, but I went to bed frustrated and thinking I'd try again in the morning.
Aand gotta be honest here....I totally woke up this morning in a panic. What if I missed out on this month's opportunity?! What would I do?! So...I started thinking about three hot single guys I know and maybe I should give one of them a call. Not kiddin'. They are all in my phone. I actually picked up my phone and was looking for one (who I've had "relations" with before) and was considering texting him when I decided I better try the nurse again first. So....when I heard that stupid beep again I thought, "Maybe I'm supposed to put in my phone number." Well there you go! It worked.
Totally Big J telling me I didn't need to call one of my guy friends, get them drunk and have sex. Seriously. A sign from above. And people don't think God talks to you. He SO does.
So off I go this morning to do the deed....Try #2. Here we go. It wasn't my doctor but the other doctor in the practice. And my funny for this go round was the nurse telling me, "I checked out the sample this morning. There are some swimmers in there!!!"
OMG! Please let one of them be a Michael Phelps of the sperm world. JUST ONE!!!!
My Ipod was on hand once again, But i didn't go with the Kenny Chesney BAYA CD this time. In honor of the weekend and welcoming the boys to CLUB VAGINA I put on booty music! I thought it might pump them up. I mean (1) real men at a club totally think with their penis when they are after some hot ass at the club. I wanted those boys to be hauling ass to the "dance floor" after my girl! Hee Hee and (2) Booty music makes me work out harder, so why not the boys?
And right now I'm totally listening to "there you go...bring it here baby....come on...hey girl....let me see you get low..." Eggie Girl ain't got a chance this month! I think she is going to be a total slut and have a one nighter. It's da club....A good time is always had at da club!
WELCOME TO CLUB VAGINA!
So it's the weekend and wouldn't you know that last night around 7pm I got the "ovulation okay" from the little testy thingy. Of course, it would happen after the office is closed. I called and got all the after hour numbers. Let me state first and foremost that I have never in my life paged or had to beep someone. So I was completely confused when all I got was a beep and couldn't leave a message. Did I do it right?! I waited. Then I went to plan B and paged the doctor. I waited. No word back. There was a 3rd option, but I went to bed frustrated and thinking I'd try again in the morning.
Aand gotta be honest here....I totally woke up this morning in a panic. What if I missed out on this month's opportunity?! What would I do?! So...I started thinking about three hot single guys I know and maybe I should give one of them a call. Not kiddin'. They are all in my phone. I actually picked up my phone and was looking for one (who I've had "relations" with before) and was considering texting him when I decided I better try the nurse again first. So....when I heard that stupid beep again I thought, "Maybe I'm supposed to put in my phone number." Well there you go! It worked.
Totally Big J telling me I didn't need to call one of my guy friends, get them drunk and have sex. Seriously. A sign from above. And people don't think God talks to you. He SO does.
So off I go this morning to do the deed....Try #2. Here we go. It wasn't my doctor but the other doctor in the practice. And my funny for this go round was the nurse telling me, "I checked out the sample this morning. There are some swimmers in there!!!"
OMG! Please let one of them be a Michael Phelps of the sperm world. JUST ONE!!!!
My Ipod was on hand once again, But i didn't go with the Kenny Chesney BAYA CD this time. In honor of the weekend and welcoming the boys to CLUB VAGINA I put on booty music! I thought it might pump them up. I mean (1) real men at a club totally think with their penis when they are after some hot ass at the club. I wanted those boys to be hauling ass to the "dance floor" after my girl! Hee Hee and (2) Booty music makes me work out harder, so why not the boys?
And right now I'm totally listening to "there you go...bring it here baby....come on...hey girl....let me see you get low..." Eggie Girl ain't got a chance this month! I think she is going to be a total slut and have a one nighter. It's da club....A good time is always had at da club!
WELCOME TO CLUB VAGINA!
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
It's kinda funny...
My weekend trip to Raleigh was spent waiting on a big fat positive or my period to show up. I drank water. ME! At a concert! I drank water. Then the period showed up. Dang it. I mean I drank water! (whining a little now) But I remember thinking all weekend that I could care less if I was at a show or if I was drinking water. All I cared about was waking up each morning without my period and peeing on that damn stick. All I wanted was that faint little line to show up.
This past weekend in Jax I had my normal good, good time. Fantastic concert - fantastic after party.... and I drank Bud! LOL But again...as much fun as I was having I would have traded it for that faint line.
Now I sit here every day looking at my calendar...counting the days until I ovulate...then go in for try #2...then wait again....looking forward to crossing off another day until I can get to the day I want it to be.
All I want is that positive line. That's it.
I love my family. I love my friends. I love the past 12 years since my divorce. I love the memories that I have created over the last thirty-five years. Man, am I going to have some stories to tell in the old folks home!!!
But it's not enough. Not for me.
This past weekend in Jax I had my normal good, good time. Fantastic concert - fantastic after party.... and I drank Bud! LOL But again...as much fun as I was having I would have traded it for that faint line.
Now I sit here every day looking at my calendar...counting the days until I ovulate...then go in for try #2...then wait again....looking forward to crossing off another day until I can get to the day I want it to be.
All I want is that positive line. That's it.
I love my family. I love my friends. I love the past 12 years since my divorce. I love the memories that I have created over the last thirty-five years. Man, am I going to have some stories to tell in the old folks home!!!
But it's not enough. Not for me.
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